Saturday, August 27, 2016

My Family Thinks I'm Mean

I'm bubbly and can appear outgoing however, I am definitely an introvert. This causes me much grief but it's not something I can just get over.

Rohit is an extremely, overly social, extrovert who feels the need to be doing something, going somewhere, talking to someone, visiting someone or doing something ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Literally every single day he goes to visit 2 different friends just to chat. He calls his entire family daily. He makes plans for every single day he has off of work. He can't go one single day without driving himself somewhere, even if it's just to drive around and feel like he did something.

I walk in the door from work, and if he's home, he bombards me the second I walk through the door with something we need to do or somewhere he wants to go. No 'hey honey, how was your day' for me lol. All I want to do is walk in my front door, put my stuff down on the shelf and lay in the bed for a bit and watch some TV or play a game to wind down.

I work in a very fast-paced, over-stimulating environment as it is. The first 7-9 hours of my day are fine but I'm the only supervisor left for the last hour and the number of employees I have to supervise quadruples. So I get overwhelmed most days. During that hour, I often feel like I'm being pulled in 8 different directions. Normally I love the uncertainty and the changing nature of the job but it really is too much during that last hour some days. We're short-staffed, so there's not an easy, quick fix so it is what it is and thus I come home already over-stimulated and needing time to unwind but I can't get it.

On days Rohit isn't home, the family is there waiting for me. They all need to talk at once. Everyone has hours worth of conversation they've been saving up all day it seems and they're all too eager to let it all out.

So while I understand they love me, they want to spend time with me. By the time I've had a 9-10 hour workday that didn't end calmly, then I come home to 3-4 more hours of non-stop talking, energy, homework, background noise from TV's, Youtube, and goodness knows what else I'm just completely over my limit for the day.

But lo and behold, you let me tell them in the calmest voice imaginable not to run in and out of my bedroom door literally every minute, throwing it open as if it was a castle wall they needed to knock down you would think I shot them through the heart with an arrow (because that's slow and painful). They can't handle if I tell them my nerves are shot and I need quiet time. Rohit even gets offended and irritated if I don't want to go out for several hours to a party or to eat Indian food a friend wants to cook for him. He often expresses frustration that I don't go to these things.

I can't help it. I'm in physical pain from the stress and wracked nerves by the time 9 PM rolls around. My ears have usually began aching and feel as if they're swollen inside. My neck can't stretch enough. My hips have gotten so stiff I feel like I can't move them. I try to tell Rohit this and he acts like I'm some decrepit old lady who should be shipped off to a nursing home.

Just as I can't understand how someone needs so much outside stimulation (he literally can't sit still for very long); he can't fathom how I would need to sit down and rest with some peace and quiet.I can only take so much. This over-stimulated thing has been going on so long because of our staffing issues I really feel like I'm starting to lose it. It doesn't help I have a lot of things going on outside of work as well.

There really are limits to how much one person can take. So I don't feel guilty at all telling everyone I need them to leave or I need time to be completely alone -uninterrupted. It perplexes me though why they get so offended when I express my needs. I've been very careful of word choices. I've made it a point to always be calm when talking to them about this and I've made it very clear it isn't any one thing they do, it's a combination of all the noise and stimulation of the day. None of it seems to matter.

One thing I can delight in though is that I don't feel guilty over this. The world seems to have taught them that it's wrong for a wife or a mother or a woman or a human to need some quiet time to unwind but I know it is not wrong. I am not wrong for expressing my needs in a calm and clear manner. I am a human. I have needs that need to be met just like they do, my needs just happen to revolve around peace. I will not apologize for it. Nor will I give in and try to live a extrovert lifestyle to try and make them happy. I couldn't if I wanted to.


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  2. Hello APPI ..long time reader ...delurking now ...I was laughing and crying simultaneously while reading this post ! I can totally identify as an Introvert ...Also please refer to the post that HomeCynHome put up a couple of months ago ....Majority of people today are into high-touch extroversion ... just cannot cope up .. I do love human interaction ..just that when I'm ready for it !