Thursday, May 7, 2015

Finding Peace Amongst the Struggle

Hopefully this ordeal I've been dealing with the last 18 months is coming to a close over the next couple months. I feel an odd sense of triumph right now knowing that I can sleep in peace, I can walk to my car without fear, I can breathe easier for a little while.

It's given me some time to reflect on the things I did right while under so much stress from this situation. I realized there were several ways I was able to find calm, peace and happiness amidst the storm I was in.

One of those ways was to set goals for myself. I sat down back last summer I think and determined what I actually wanted from life right now and what I needed to do to get there. I guess since I didn't actually set a time frame though, these were more like determinations than goals. I wanted to reduce all of my bills (the debt included), be at home with my family more, etc. I've managed to accomplish quite a bit of that. I even got some residual peace of mind from changes that I made that I didn't expect to get.

One prime example.... I ditched my smart phone. I know, that's totally backwards for most people but I grew up with a rotary phone in my house (pic below since some of you won't even know what this is!). Touch tone phones became a thing when I was a teenager and it was rare we ever made phone calls. So having a smart phone constantly beeping, blinking, buzzing, etc. was quite unnerving to me. The games, the constant notifications, people wanting to text all the time. It all added stress to my life.

I got rid of my smart phone last December. It took my family and friends some time to get used to. They kept forgetting I couldn't just get on Facebook at their whim anymore. But I found an instant sense of peace. It brought back the same simplistic, non-distracted life I had before I got a smart phone. It's amazing home much time was freed up without it. It's now May and I rarely hear my phone do anything. There's a whole new level of peace to that.

Another way I found moments of relaxation and peace were doing yoga exercises (randomly, not structured). I do desk yoga at work. It relieves any tension built up in my body and I know I'm in a safe environment there. It's amazing how effective a simple stretch can be. That 10-20 seconds out of your life for something that is healthy is easy and wonderful.

Right now, sitting here writing this I'm glowing with happiness at how strong this struggle has made my relationship with my husband. I won't say this struggle was easy on us, but many times my husband has been the rock that held my very foundation together. Little moments of happiness and togetherness without any other thoughts but just cuddling kept me sane. When I had broken moments, he helped pick me back up.

He took my side when he knew things were wrong and he had open discussions about heavy topics with me when there were things he didn't understand. That's not so easy for my husband. He's a very light-hearted, carefree type and had to find a way to deal with a very heavy-hearted, stressed out wife. He stuck by me while I worked excessively long  hours, worked 2 jobs and had little time left to squeeze in moments. He made a lot of effort to keep things alive between us during all the turmoil.

It's as I feel the stress roll away right now that I feel such a deep sense of love for him. I really like that feeling. I love knowing that there is someone here for me whenever I need him. I love having a friend I can tell anything to. Someone who truly knows everything and wants to take care of me as much as I take care of him. That is the where I get the most peace during all of my storms.

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