Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I Almost Didn't Live to Tell This Story - part 4

****TRIGGER WARNING**** Do NOT read this blog post if:

  • you cannot stand reading adverse stories about U.S. military personnel.
  • you cannot stomach accounts of attempted murder
  • you have not fully processed your own experience with abuse and are in the beginnings of the healing phase.
This is my story. it is your responsibility to stop yourself from reading the things you cannot bear to read. You know your own strengths and weaknesses and by reading beyond this point you acknowledge that you are capable of reading this story without occurring additional trauma in your own life.

In my last post I told you how I had to send my children to live with a crazy man. It's important that you understand he had never lifted a finger to hurt the children at that time. I was confident he wouldn't hurt them, but again I was naive. I was ignorant as to just how twisted the narcissistic mind can be.

Without my children, my reason for living, I further slumped downward. The only person I had to keep me going was my Punjabi. My therapist was helpful but it wasn't motivation enough to try and keep going. Months went by and my ex refused to let me see the kids and found ways to prevent me from communicating with them and I just couldn't take it any more.

That's when I moved to India. I left thinking that I could find peace in a new environment, one I felt safe and loved in. I won't rehash it all here because you've all read of my time in India. And now you know, India wasn't the only thing tormenting me. It was the loss I was suffering that added to it.

I was able to keep in touch with my children more from India than I had been while in the US. I knew there was something odd about that but I didn't know what until I came back home. India gave me the strength I needed to stand up to my tormenter. I had healed despite all that happened to me there.

This new found strength was something my ex couldn't fathom. He met me with the fight of my life. He began filing false charges in the courts and as he began losing he took the children and ran. He kidnapped my children. I hunted him down. He sent 2 of the children back, terrified of losing me because he had put out a hit on my life and told them so. My youngest he took and hid for 3 months. I still don't know where she was but I was able to recover her with the help of my local police department and my ex's lawyer.

Yep, in his arrogance he tried to screw over his own lawyer. After he boasted about having hired the most aggressive lawyer he could find, he had the audacity to cross her. She then took my side and advocated for me in front of the judge - at no cost to me.

While I don't know if this drama is over or if it ever will be, I know this. I found my strength again. I no longer take his crap, I don't listen to his rotten antics and I stand up to him regardless of my fear. I've learned how not to be naive and to use my resources at every possible chance. Otherwise, the law won't help you.

I've only just brushed over my experiences with this psycho as there's not enough time in your day to read all the horror's I've had to endure. There are still some topics I think are too sensitive to address and others I don't want tarnishing my blog. But I think you can get the idea from these 4 posts.

In my next posts, I'm going to share with you a plan for how to get yourself out of an abusive relationship or how to help a friend if you know someone who needs help. I've written an exhaustive plan to tell you what you need to do, when to do it and how to make it work. You can get out. You are more valuable than you think and you will survive without him. (Or her if your abuser is a woman.) I sincerely hope that knowing the things I went through and survived that you will find the strength to get out and start over yourself. You can do this and you're not alone in your fight.


  1. Hugs to you dear. I was shaken up reading your story, Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and teaching your ex a lesson. I hope you are united with your kids as soon as possible.

  2. Oh APPI... I read the entire thing and I am just so sad this happened to you. I was just discussing the horrors of PTSD with DN last night, only to see these posts waiting for me to read. You are a champion for coming out of this so strong. Some people never recover...

    I'm glad you and your kids are safe for now. I really hope this nightmare ends for you.

  3. Thank you. Things are now working out for the better but it was a long struggle. :)

  4. Alexandra MadhavanOctober 8, 2014 at 4:54 PM

    Just finished the whole thing. Oh, my. What strength you have....I have no idea what I would have done if I was in your position. Thank god that you and your kids made it out in one piece.
    One of my ex boyfriends was in the army and was deployed to Iraq several times. I remember him telling me about all the guys having PTSD in his unit. Sometimes the guys would have freak outs on their wives and the whole team had to go and help. There needs to be regular mandatory counselling for those who are deployed...

  5. Unfortunately you friend is right. My ex's unit tried hard to control him. They managed to for a short while. During that time he was almost normal again. I genuinely feel sympathy for the service members and their families who have to go through this. Some are not able to get out like I was.