Monday, May 5, 2014

70 Questions to Ask Your Indian Future Spouse

A simple checklist you can print and use in discussions about your future. Please feel free to comment with any questions you feel are an important addition.

Dating and Engagement
  1. Will you be allowed to date before the engagement ceremony?
  2. Can this dating be public or will it need to be covert?
  3. Will the dating include having a family member present?
  4. Who will pay for the dates?
  5. When will you tell your parents about each other?
  6. How will you tell your parents? (Together, individually, or will a family member tell them?)
  7. Will you require the approval of the Indian family before getting engaged?
  8. How will you address adversity from disapproving family members?
  9. Will you have a formal engagement ceremony?
  10. Who will be invited to the ceremony?
  11. Will you announce the engagement in local newspapers?
  12. Will you marry before or after telling your family?

The Wedding Ceremony
  1. What are the expected gifts from your family to theirs?
  2. What is your expected contribution to the guests?
  3. When are these gifts expected to be delivered?
  4. What is your role in wedding planning? 
  5. Will you get married in India, your home country or both?
  6. What parts of the wedding is your family expected to pay for?
  7. What parts of the wedding will the Indian family pay for?
  8. Who will pay for the honeymoon?
  9. How open will the guest list be? (Family, friends, neighbors, etc.)
  10. Will you need a wedding party? If so, are there specifically defined roles as to who will play which role on your side of the party?
  11. Will the bride and groom where Indian wedding attire or garments from your culture?
  12. How many days will the wedding festivities last?
  13. Where will all the guests stay?

Life After the Wedding
  1. Will you be allowed/expected to work before having children? 
  2. Will you be allowed/expected to work after having children?
  3. What percentage of your income will be saved?
  4. What percentage of your income will be allotted for family expenses?
  5. How will your individual expenses be paid?
  6. What percentage of your income will go to your Indian family?
  7. Who will manage your money?
  8. Will you each have an allowance?
  9. How active will you both be in the local community?
  10. How will your time together be scheduled?
  11. How much time will you spend together?
  12. How much time will you spend with your family?
  13. How much time will you spend with Indian family members as a couple?
  14. How much time will your Indian spouse spend with their family (without you there)?
  15. How much time will you spend with your spouses Indian family?
  16. Where will you live? (City, state, country? With family?)
  17. Who will do the grocery shopping for the household?
  18. How will chores be divided?
  19. What couples activities will you engage in after marriage? (Yoga, volunteering, etc.)
  20. How often will you vacation?
  21. How often will you visit each other's respective countries?
  22. Is participation in family-related events mandatory?

Children
  1. Do you both want children?
  2. How many children do you want?
  3. How will you address infertility issues?
  4. Would you ever consider adoption as a couple?
  5. Is foster parenting an option?
  6. How will you save for the children? (Include raising expenses, education, cars, etc.)
  7. How much will you save for the children? 
  8. Will you pay the children an allowance?
  9. What style of parenting will you engage in?
  10. Who will be the primary disciplinarian?
  11. How involved will the in-laws be in raising the children?
Hindu Cultures
  1. Will you shave the baby's head for mundan?
  2. Will the bride participate in Karva Chauth or Teej?
  3. What deity is the household deity? (Research the deity for further questions.)
  4. What is the family holy day?
  5. Will you be expected to abstain from meat permanently? (Or one day a week, etc.)
  6. Will you be expected to abstain from meat while in the Indian home?
  7. Will you be expected to raise your children vegetarian or vegan?
  8. Will you be requested to wear a black mark to ward off the evil eye when leaving the house?
  9. Will the bride need to be escorted by female relatives while traveling in the Indian neighborhood?
  10. Will you be expected to visit the temple regularly? How often?

*I have no affiliation with Sikh or Muslim cultures and as such cannot suggest questions to ask a prospective spouse of those religions. Please add questions you feel are relevant to those cultures in the comments.

4 comments:

  1. Alexandra MadhavanMay 5, 2014 at 4:24 PM

    That's great, bravo! I am still working on my new years resolutions, they are in my mind every day. I love having resolutions for goals for the year.
    I'm so glad your health is doing better....could be tied into the forgiveness...? Anyways, health is wealth! As my MIL would say...

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  2. Alexandra MadhavanMay 5, 2014 at 4:25 PM

    Great, thorough post....

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  3. Marisa FranklinMay 6, 2014 at 4:44 PM

    Print! Great job! Very much needed. For future reference of course ;)

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  4. Good post! I am not married yet, not eve dating anyone! However, this post will sure come in handy in the future..! Some (in-fact many) of the points mentioned would apply practically to anyone, not just Indians..

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