Saturday, November 23, 2013

What India Did For Me

The choices we make in life are based off of our perceptions of what we will benefit the most from. When I decided to go to India, my primary reasons were:
  • Love, support, family and all that comes with those things.
  • Health - I needed to rejuvenate and try to repair the damage I had done to myself over time.
  • A new life, preferably one without the same stress and turmoil. 
Those things seem simple on the surface but I had some complex expectations. Some rather naive ideals. Looking back now, I feel like I accomplished most of what I set out to do there. I got married, gained a whole new family and my life is forever changed. My health changed somewhat and I'm not yet 100% sure if it was for better, worse or really there's no difference at all. I know I learned a considerable amount of useful information about myself and how my body works specifically because of my time in India.

Most importantly I now know for sure what kinds of foods and behaviors affect my thyroid condition the most. Despite all the suffering I endured with my health in India, I think I will be eternally grateful for this. I've not yet figured out how to correct the problem given the American lifestyle landscape and limitations but I am armed with the knowledge and can seek out ways to remedy the issue. That's a priceless gift. One many never find in life.

India also gave me the much needed reboot that I think I had been seeking. It provided me the safety and security that was lacking in my life before and strengthened me as a person. I was able to find an emotional peace (ha! I know with some of the posts I wrote here that may be hard to believe but I promise you it's true!) that I desperately needed. Recovering from a long-term and extremely abusive relationship is far more difficult than many people understand. There was an indescribable thing inside of me that was hurting, broken, and misunderstood. I am quite sure I repaired that significantly because of the time I spent in India. The freedom from the abuser and the sense that he couldn't find me or get to me lifted the burden of fear and the stress that came with it.

Lastly, I think my Indian family taught/reminded me a lot about love and family. Lessons I had learned in childhood, long since forgotten during the abuse, came back to me. Lessons I had learned in therapy became more clear. Yes, we had our moments and our ups and downs but love isn't about perfection. There's so much more to love than a fleeting feeling. I'm not sure my learning is done in this category as I continue to grow and discover or rediscover emotions and feelings I had long ago forgotten.

Overall I think I'm satisfied with the results. I know it seems crazy and outrageous for some to think that a person could give up everything, get on a plane and fly off to marry into some family and culture they haven't known all their lives but I had carefully considered why I was taking that lap of faith and I knew at the time it was the right decision for me. Looking back, as hard as the decision was to make, I know it was my destiny to make it.

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