Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Living Fast and Learning A Lot

In hubbys first 3 weeks here we traveled extensively. We visited 4 states, 4 relatives, several friends and probably 20 different cities. I'm estimating the cities because I'm too lazy to count. Poor thing, he got tired of riding and said his butt was starting to hurt from sitting in the car so much lol.

Of course it wasn't all easy going and fun. Moving to a new country is a big adjustment and I did marry a typical, spoiled Indian man. He wasn't prepared to experience such a massive difference in living. His whole life he got up in the morning, lounged around in the bed for a little while, got up and went down for his breakfast (cooked by his mom), showered and got ready for work. He worked for the day, came home to a clean room (thanks to a maid) and waited for his mom to cook again. He ate what she cooked or went out and got something if it was something he didn't like. Watched TV all evening, did the family errands and then went to bed almost whenever he wanted to (provided he wasn't making so much noise that his dad made him go to bed.

None of that happened here. I work full time in a hectic job. I leave before breakfast time, don't come home till dinner time and then I'm in no mood to clean the kitchen, do the dishes and cook. That's asking a lot of one person. Of course, I also had to do all the laundry and most of the cleaning around the house. That's more than enough as there's just not enough time in the day to do everything I had to do.

Given the fact there were 2 other adults in the house besides me, I should not have to come home to work a second job taking care of everyone in the house. It's unreasonable. Hubby had some difficulty adjusting to that. He knows how to cook a little. I had taught him how to use the microwave and bought him some quick cooking foods to make it easy for him. Still, without fail, when I got home he had the expectation that I would cook.

His whole life he had been raised with pre-defined roles for men and women, husband and wife, etc. In his mind it was the wife's job to take care of him. Only problem with that line of thinking is that he wasn't working at the time. So how reasonable could it be for him to lay in bed all day long and expect me to wait on him hand and foot?

Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect this mindset to disappear overnight. I didn't get angry with him either, a little frustrated a few times but not angry. I sat him down and explained to him that I can't do it all. He hadn't made me do it all anyway. Despite his ingrained way of thinking he had done the dishes for me, coked a few times and also helped clean the room and fold and put away laundry. So it wasn't his actions that were causing tension.

To say I wasn't jealous would be a lie as well. Here I was working full time (with overtime as well), doing all the driving for the entire house (to doctor's, grocery shopping, etc.), doing most of the cleaning around the house and I was really wearing down. So every time I came home and saw him laying in the bed, wrapped up in covers and generally being lazy I got jealous. I wanted to be laying in the bed for a while and being lazy. I wanted my turn!

I knew I couldn't though. He couldn't get a license to help with the driving until his green card and social security number came through. Nor could he get a job to help with the bills. He did take the time to learn a few things and he was open to talking to me about things we both needed to adjust to. This is one of the things I love about hubby, we can talk about anything and we're both reasonable in understanding each other on most topics.

Of course, that didn't stop him from texting me how hungry he was after I had left for work one day. Ahem...I left plenty of food in the freezer, leftovers in the fridge. I know he knows how to work a microwave.


  1. thank you for a TRUTH post. i hate the glossy ones that pretend we're all okay with everything

  2. Ty. If it's one thing I refuse to do, it's sugar coat life. I can't keep up with reality, much less a glitter infused unicorn world in addition to it. :)