Thursday, August 1, 2013

Let's Talk About Sex Baby!

I spend a considerable amount of time reading things online. Sometimes I skim through things that look interesting to see what they have to offer and other times I go back and read them. I recently ran across something extremely intriguing to me. It's one of those things you see and can't believe you saw it. But it made sense. It drew me in. I took the bait. And now I'm leading you down that dark spiral as well. :)

There I was innocently Googling for new blogs to read when I ran across a post written in 2011 by a Latina public speaker about intercultural relationships. She had just completed a conference and learned quite a few things herself she found surprising and so I skimmed through the article twice. I wanted to read it but it was getting late. Then I saw a line in the article and I could no longer skim through it. She had posted a quote from the book "How to Make Love to a Negro Without Getting Tired."

I had to stop. Did I really read that title right? As it turns out, this book was written 20+ years ago at a time a word like that would entice readers in even more so than now. People in my generation would look at that and think, just as I did, what racist wrote that? Indeed the author is arrogant and opinionated and says a lot of things many people would not agree with but the concept IS FABULOUS!

He's talking about how people of other ethnicities are exoticized by people not in their ethnicity. So for example how an Indian might view white women or white women might view desi men! His concept is somewhat outdated and racist in view but it made perfect sense to me. His hierarchy theory is that white women have an underlying notion that they are to please white men sexually and their needs and wants don't matter. So they seek satisfaction from black men because they feel superior to them and that the black men should satisfy them.

Of course that's all racist BS but it got me to thinking! Bells and whistles went off in my head. Without giving you all the dirty details, I absolutely feel satisfied by my husband. However, I've never thought of him as beneath me and I had no preconceived notions about brown men. In my case, the differences in the cultures are what free me of my inhibitions. I have no reason to feel shame over traditional Christian sex standards/rules/etc. because he's not Christian. He didn't grow up in the bible belt, he wasn't taught the crazy rules and restrictions for sex that I was. I can be completely free with him and I don't have the fear of rejection, chastisement, etc. that I would have if addressing a white man. I would have the same fears addressing most men who were born and raised in America.

Yes, it's crazy but in the strict upbringing I had, sex was reserved for only inside of marriage and then it was primarily for procreation. There are still active laws in this country that dictate you can only have sex in the missionary position. Yes, they can still be enforced and are enforced! (Not as single violations but are added onto other charges to help obtain stricter punishments.) America, despite what most desi's hear, is still a very prudish, puritanical country!

I really hadn't explored this link of intercultural relationship sexuality ever before. I hadn't even thought of it. I did notice that it's much easier for me to communicate my feelings and desires with my husband but I'd never explored the why part. It's good to learn these things to know more about myself and what makes intercultural marriages work.

Without getting too TMI, do you feel more capable of being free sexually with your Indian love?
Is this part of what enticed you to want a relationship with your Indian man?
How do you think your cultural differences factor into your sex life?

No comments:

Post a Comment