Friday, July 12, 2013

Fears for Hubby Moving to the US

As our interview drew closer and even after approval, I began to have fears and concerns about how my hubby would respond to life in the US. He had never been here before and not only that, he's from a bustling, noisy city and I live in a small town in the mountains. I knew things would be quite a bit different for him here. I also knew him well enough to know that there were many things he would love about the US but would they be enough to outweigh the culture shock he was about to experience? I had a lot of questions going through my mind.

I started to wonder if the small home I had made for us would be good enough. Would I be able to care for him as good as he cared for me. I started to think this is how he must have felt when he knew I was moving to India. They all did so much to prepare for my arrival and to make me as comfortable as possible. This led me to start thinking of things I should do to my home for his comfort.

I wouldn't say I was having doubts about everything, this was more of a concern for making him happy and not knowing for sure what he would need or want when he got here. I wasn't sure what aspects of his culture he would want to leave behind. I didn't know what he would miss. I know from experience just how big of a move this was for him.

There would be so many changes for him to experience. So many things that are the same and yet very different. My husband is somewhat of a creature of habit. I knew this was going to throw him for a loop. I was also grateful that he is open to change and new experiences. He's sacrificing his life for me just as I did for him by moving to India.

My biggest fear was that he would respond as poorly to the US as I did to India. Our germs and bacteria are different here. He would have to experience icy cold air that he'd never felt before. Yes, we have heat in our homes but he couldn't live like a hermit and wouldn't want to. He would want to explore this new and exciting land. I wouldn't expect anything less from him. I worried about how he would survive those first few days until we could buy him proper clothes as Indian clothing just isn't suited for the harsh weather here.

Another concern was how he would get along with my family members in person. While I had time to adjust to all the cultural differences between us, my family had not. Some of my family members I don't communicate with any longer because of this relationship (I have no tolerance for racism or stupidity) and I wondered if tensions might escalate with those relatives. You would think attitudes would change over time, especially since I'm not the first or only person in this family who married outside of my heritage (the words race or culture wouldn't accurately define what I mean here).

I had a lot of things going through my mind. I was excited for his arrival but nervous about how things would play out. I felt like a timid bride on her wedding night.


  1. Gori Niqabi WifeJuly 13, 2013 at 3:27 AM

    Your husband is very lucky to have such a thoughtful wife ;-) It's very sweet how concerned you were for him adjusting and all the thoughts you had worrying about him coming to the US. Honestly I think moving to India would be a way bigger culture shock than moving to the US from India. What you did by going there was a huge sacrifice and I'm sure not easy for you. My husband says everyone from Pakistan and India wants to come to the US, they think money like grows on trees here or something lol and it's like a dream to live here.

  2. Thank you. Your husband is right. A lot of people think the US (or other countries) are wealthy and great opportunities to get rich quick and thus want out of India and Pakistan.

    I have a post coming soon about the difference in adjustment. Hubby lived like a prince in his home, he was the epitome of the spoiled Indian male in so many ways lol. So now I'm not so sure who had it worse since he's gotten here only to find no maid, no on-call chef, etc. :P

  3. Like Gori Niqabi Wife, said, your husband is very lucky to have you. He has a wonderful resource in you on how to handle adaptation. I can relate to family members who don't accept an Indian husband. My own grandfather made racist comments about my Indian husband, and I had to keep him at a distance.
    I wish you both the best of luck!

  4. Thank you. It's definitely not an easy road but I know in my heart my husband is worth it. I know what is right and what is wrong and race has no bearing on them. Thanks for your encouragement!