Sunday, April 14, 2013

How Do I Feel About My Indian Family Now

First I would just like to remind myself that I love my job. That's hard to remember when you work a 70 hour work week and drove almost 1800 miles (2900 km) as part of it. I did find a few minutes to check into my contact form though and I was glad I did. I have a few blog posts stored up and not finished but the questions in this contact were well overdue to be answered.

My reader asked me how I felt about my Indian in-laws now that I'm back in the states. This is one thing I've had a lot of time to reflect on recently. I know while I was in India, going through so much sickness and the culture shock there were a few times they got on my nerves. Even then I knew that kind of thing is normal in a house full of people. There were also some cultural differences I never got used to.

I still love my MIL. I now look back and laugh about her coming into my room so much. It was super annoying then but now I think I'm able to laugh because she never found anything. I can't really fault her for being nosy, especially not with the work I do for a living right?

FIL I never had any issues with in India. Not that I remember. I still feel very fond of him. My FIL is a wonderful man with a good heart. He's very level headed unless there's a wedding to be planned and then of course he's got more energy than a rambunctious 2 year old.

I'm not yet sure how I feel about Uncle Ji. Too much happened between us that I'm not sure I will ever be able to definitively say that I'm fond of him. He has some good personality traits and some humorous things he does. He's very knowledgeable but at the same time, he has some extremely difficult personality traits. I'm still not sure how I feel/think about him messing with the gas to the geyser. I know how smart he is and I can't passively dismiss that as ignorance/simplicity. Possibly he wasn't thinking and felt bad afterward but if so, I will never know. Either way, I don't have many positive feelings toward Uncle Ji.

Chachi I've made peace with. She snubbed me a few times but I've gotten over it. I did the same right back and I feel like we're even in a way. I can't totally fault her for everything anyway, after all she's very old fashioned and I'm quite sure Uncle Ji had a hand in some of her mischief. Again, I will never really know but regardless I'm over it.

Kitty and Ashu are kids. Though we battled over the internet a few times I don't have any hard feelings there either. I could never hold a grudge against a child. They simply lack the maturity to be fully responsible for things like that. I think I'd be lost with my internet too so I sympathize with them. That house gets insanely boring most days for someone who can't go out and I know just how they feel.

BIL I've still yet to meet in person. He has a very stern, aggressive nature and I'm not sure how we will get along face to face given my background. I do have a sort of compassion for him, his situation and all he goes through. I'm guessing because I'm a previous expat myself I can understand a lot of the things he's been through and still deals with. 

I think the relationships I had with family members outside of the house were fairly normal. I liked them, I didn't understand everything they did but it's not my life, they can live it however they want.

Overall I have less negativity toward the family now than I did in India. I am certain that is because there's no one questioning my every move, disrespecting me and my personal space, etc. I'm not sure I have any plans to go back anytime soon, not even for a visit but I would definitely say a marriage is much more at peace to this pardesi while not living with Indian in-laws.


  1. I like your thoughts on makes sense that you get along and appreciate your in laws while not living with's difficult to live together permanately especially when you are used to your own space...
    Ive been living with my in laws in India for over a year now, and even though we all get along, I find that I crave my own space a lot...
    But it won't be forever as we will probably move back to Australia and this will be something I can look back on and appreciate I did u :-)

  2. It definitely helps to be able to look back. I don't regret my time in India or anything I went through. You're right, it's difficult to adjust to living with anyone, even if you like them.