Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Protect Yourself from Desi Love Scammers

Part of what I love about my new career is being able to find out if someone is telling the truth or not. It feels good to validate someone's claim and even better to get evidence that someone is lying. Now, what I consider evidence and what the courts are bothered to look at may be two different things but for the purpose of this post, the things I'm going to share with you will serve you well. 

Thankfully most of the marriages I hear about in the desi/pardesi community are valid marriages. Unfortunately though there are a couple of times I've heard of women being outright lied to about some very serious things. In an effort to help protect these women, the ones who have yet to marry and those who are new to intercultural relationships, I'm going to share some knowledge and tips with you.

First things first, Indians rarely take anything online seriously. That includes what you may feel is a strong relationship. They don't respect or have nearly as much faith in what you have built up as you might. Indians and other desi's (including Pakistani's, Nepali's and Sri Lankans to name a few) instinctively think as everyone online as fake. They don't expect you to be who you say you are or to be completely honest with them. Part of this comes from their culture of telling little white lies and the other part comes from their own personal use of the internet. Many have fake profiles that they use to play pranks on friends or to keep strangers distanced from their real family.

Lucky for pardesi's who are familiar with the internet - especially Americans who had it for years before the rest of the world - Indians do not yet know just how much of an online presence they have. Some do, they've learned a trick or two but generally speaking, most don't realize just how much information is logged about them online.

It is not uncommon for pardesi women, especially divorcee's or those who have had committed relationships end, to be taken in by the allure of a desi man online. Vulnerable women are most at risk for these fake relationships and they never see it coming. Sometimes the relationship is real but the desi man knows 100% that it will never result in marriage but continues it anyway for selfish reasons. This leads the pardesi on and could cause her future to be different than she would have wanted. She could spend long days and nights waiting for him to come talk to her or years waiting for him to choose to be with her in person.

You can't go by the normal relationship guidelines either. Most desi men won't show themselves on cam or send you real pictures (I'm excluding the pervs btw). They could take months or years to tell their family about you and they may even be reluctant to talk to you on the phone or over Skype. This is normal so you can't use it to determine if he is real.

HOWEVER, if your desi man has multiple facebook profiles and other internet accounts and doesn't seem to stay on any one of them long term, that could be a huge red flag that something is not right. It's also common for desi men to create alternate profiles and try to chat with you to judge your faithfulness to them. I know people who have had desi men make fake profiles, contact their friends to ask about them or tried to chat with the woman herself and get information. It's not unusual but is still also a red flag - this indicates a controlling nature. Try to remind yourself that one person cannot be carry on 2 personna's effectively. So if someone contacts you and they talk and act just like your desi love, it could very well be your desi love.

Being too evasive is a red flag. If the person outright refuses to connect with you in a more personalized manner - via offline meeting, over webcam, through the phone, etc. - and they're telling you they love you then you need to break off the relationship. Their actions are not matching their words. If they love you, they should want to connect and bond with you through some other means than typing into a cold, white box. Would you let the guy down the street tell you he loved you in a chat box without ever spending any time together? Then don't let the guy on the opposite end of the world do it either.

While I make no guarantees as to what you will or will not find using these sites, I will tell you that I've had great success with these links finding information on people they weren't necessarily ready for me to know. You can find out some things that don't matter, some things might matter and others could be relationship enders for you. You deserve the truth and there's absolutely nothing wrong with looking at information someone posted online in public places. If they didn't want it to be seen, they should not post it in public.

One major red flag you should watch out for is if you find nothing on your desi love. It's rare for someone not to have any online presence these days yet still be in chat or on dating websites. RARE. So if you find nothing at all, do not see that as a sign that your desi love is clear. You should be questioning what other usernames they could be using. Use your best judgement. If you feel like your desi love knows a lot about being online but they assure you they don't use the net much - do some investigating because those things don't match. Remember 1 + 1 must always = 2. If it doesn't make sense, something is wrong. Trust your instincts.

I'm not listing all of my links here because there are a few girls in the community who would misuse the information. However, if you feel you need more links to determine if you're being scammed or not, I will be happy to forward more to you. I can be contacted via the contact form listed near the top of this page. Please include your country and your desi's country as some links are specific to certain countries.

Some of these links might not be available to you depending on your country. If something doesn't work, search google for your country's name and then the words "free people search," "free online records," "social network presence" or other terms to help you find the information you're looking for. 

NameChk - find out where they used that username
WebMii - see how high of a presence they have online (only works for some countries)
IMVisible - find out if they're online and "invisible" to you

Also, do a general Google search with your desi's username in parenthesis. A lot of times you can find forum postings, group postings or Facebook comments they left on other pages that you would not have otherwise found. 


14 comments:

  1. In today's world, we have so many options to connect. Anyone who says they love you over only chat and SMS sight unseen is not to be trusted. Skype, Google Chat -- we connect with people even far out of the Indian metros. Bandwidth is not an excuse.


    In my case, we enjoyed talking to each other but 'love' or 'relationship' was not even mentioned until after we'd met in person. It just did not make sense to either of us that something like that could happen unless we met in meatspace first. Fascination? Internet-crush? Limerance? Perhaps. But we needed to meet up as friends first before we considered anything else. This may not be the same for everyone but I think it is always a good idea to be a little cautious until you've actually met in person, regardless of how much is shared online.

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  2. Great point. Love online may not equal love offline. You have to be around someone to know if they're truly sincere. Being around someone also helps you see things that will not show in online relationships.

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  3. I think u have gone through this phase..heh..!..

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  5. Thanks for sharing. I'm excited to read more!!

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  6. I like your post very much i had nice time while reading your post

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  7. I just found your blog and that you follow me and I'm so excited to read all of your topics they definitely apply to my situation! Thanks!

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  8. This is Kalyug. Look around you and you will believe in it. कालाय तस्मै नम:!

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  9. This is a wrong statement - .... Part of this comes from their culture of telling little white lies ....
    Its the people who are the culprits. I believe that all the religions, cultures and traditions always order to be truthful. I disagree with the above statement.

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  10. We can agree to disagree. When I lived in Amritsar, I saw a considerable amount of little white lies. Try to find one single person who will openly tell you "no" besides your parents. Chances are you won't find one. Instead you'll get a little white lie/promise that they'll get you whatever you want or ask for without any intention of ever actually following through on the promise.

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