Thursday, February 7, 2013

All Americans Have Sex On The First Date

And if you believe that then I have some ocean front property in Arizona I'll sell you.....real cheap!

This is yet another thing that many Indians seem to think is true of Americans. Yes, Americans are more open with their sexuality than Indians are but this does not mean all we do is have sex with people we don't know that well. We're not all promiscuous, horny beings who can't control ourselves. People who believe misconceptions like this are the same ones who seem to feel India is the greatest nation on earth, that Indians can do no wrong and everyone in India is pure. *cough* bullshit *cough*

I am sure this stereotype comes from culturally distorted media - news, TV shows, movies, etc. After hearing this rumor I decided a blog post on Indian vs. American dating was in order. We can eliminate these gross misconceptions through education and understanding seems to be easier when we can relate to these things.

Typical American dating:
  1. A boy and girl meet, they talk a little, maybe exchange phone numbers and then decide to go on a date. Traditionally the boy asked the girl out on a date but times change and now girls ask boys sometimes. 
  2. The pair meet somewhere or one of them picks the other up and then they go somewhere - this could be the park for a leisurely stroll or picnic, a restaurant, the movies or just about anywhere two people can spend time together. 
  3. The pair proceed to talk, laugh or discuss the things around them and aspects of their life. This is so they can get to know each other and determine if they want to go on a second date or continue talking. 
  4. The date concludes and the two either go home separately or the person who was responsible for driving takes the other person home. If there was drinking involved, they may call a cab or walk home.
  5. In SOME instances they will kiss before they leave each other's presence. Traditionally the boy walked the girl to her door to ensure she got all the way inside safely. Then they may kiss and he would leave. 
Typical Indian dating (non-betrothed individuals):
  1. A boy and girl meet.
  2. Boy pursues girl but due to social obligations or genuine lack of interest (not necessarily in the boy but possibly in dating itself) the girl declines. Eventually she may agree to meeting somewhere in public but it is likely done in secret as if anyone finds out - especially her family - a riot could ensue between his and her families. Boys are often threatened and warned to leave the girl alone. These secret locations could be a friends home, a restaurant far away from their familial homes or other places where they are not likely to encounter family. I have personally seen couples hiding out in the back of amusement parks. (Yes, there are cities in India where the couple may not need to be as secretive but it's not common for them to announce to their family they're dating.)
  3. When the two meet in a secret location they may talk, discuss their personal lives, what their families have planned for them, etc. They could share a meal, snacks or go to the movies.
  4. As the date concludes they will each leave separately or with their friends. They do not accompany each other to the door to their homes.
Dating in either country:
  • The pair could have sex if both parties chose to. In America no one cares what you're doing with your dates and in India with the sneaking around the sex could seem adventurous or more fun. 
  • The boy and the girl both could have ideals of chastity. In this case they would choose to refrain from sex until marriage or until a specific event in the relationship.
  • They could mutually decide they don't want to see each other again and the dating ends.
  • They could be dating more than one person and not have a serious interest in any of them. 
  • They could be dating one person and having sex with someone else. 
Don't mistake a "booty call" for dating. A booty call is someone you only see for the purpose of having sex. It's not the same thing as a date. Don't mistake what you see on TV as reality. It's dramatized and edited to make you want to see more. Which is just proof that Indians crave seeing sex as much as anyone else -otherwise you wouldn't be watching such filth to find out what Americans do.

Always remember that people are the same all over the world. It doesn't matter what culture you come from, the human mind is the same no matter what your culture. There are sluts in every culture, and there are prudes in every culture. There are also people who see sex as only acceptable in the confines of marriage in every culture while others sneak around and have sex against what society says is allowed. Pay attention to the reality around you and not the stereotypes you hear.

If you don't believe me then check out this post and comments.

17 comments:

  1. Hi,


    I would tell you why this perception persists. It is because of the American movies/serials. There are no courtship scenes, hell the women don't even blush. The man and women typically meet in a bar mouthing cheesy, erotic dialogues. Then, they fanatically try to open the door of their apartment, tear each others clothes and jumb into bed. This gives rise to the impression among non-americans that love is all about sex in America. This being movie, due to time constraints or to heighten audience interest, these tricks are resorted to. Many people are also put off by the overt sexuality. However, art and real life must be different, which I understood after sometime.

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  2. Hi,

    This perception persists because of American serials/movies. The man and women typically meet in a bar mouthing cheesy erotic dialogues. Lust is written all over their face. Then comes the much cliched scene: fumbling with apartment keys while tearing away each other's clothes. This is a permanent fixture. All this gives rise to the impression that there is no courtship in America and that the overwhelming emphasis is on lust. Nothing could be farther from truth. In films/serials due to limited time things are spiced up which is perfectly understandable. However, this lack of courtship does irks the viewers sometimes. Hell foreign women don't even blush, I have not seen an blushing scenes in anywhere. I guess bollywood has songs bordering on eve teasing and hollywood has these erotic scenes which produce a distorted image of man women relationships.

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  3. I think this perception is created by the Hollywood movies, TV programs- which happen to be the biggest source of a glimpse into the American society- telecast in India. After coming here i realized that America is not what they show on TV.

    I guess it is the same stereotype that the Westerners have about India- couples running around trees while romancing, all Indian men are shy and all women are submissive, arranged marriages meaning that the brides and grooms have no say in the wedding and are married off like cattle etc.....

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  4. And it becomes even more commical when Indians thing the entire West = American culture. Hollywood movies and serials is giving us no mercy in India, we all drink, have sex and eat junk food and nothing else...sigh!

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  5. But it is definitely a problem when people lack critical capacity to think that life is more varied than what they see in movies. It bothers Indians for Westerners to think that India is just a dirty country full of poverty and terror attacks and rape because that is what is shown in Western media.

    There is a tendency to stereotype Westerners and assume they will behave according to these preconceived Hollywood notions when it is extremely unrealistic to think so. It is just as unrealistic as thinking every Indian walks barefoot in tattered rags and has never seen a car or an airplane.

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  6. "And if you believe that then I have some ocean front property in Arizona I'll sell you.....real cheap!"



    Hehe. I think quite a bit of the world tends to view American TV shows as 'real America.' They have no idea that America, while the richest country in the world, is probably the most conservative industrialized nation, period.

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  7. As a Swiss I can totally attest that a lot of my American friends report they would not do a lot of things that are commonly done in Switzerland, starting by the fact many of my American friend are baffled at the idea that I let my then 2 year old daughter run around in just a diaper and no t-shirt around the home, apparently accorded to them only boys are allowed to do so, and that's just one of the many example. America is much more concervative than many European countries...yet the funny thing is that A) people in India think otherwise because the movies show a different picture that is far from the reality, and B) They tend to thing the ENTIRE "West" is following the American culture they see on TV

    Sigh!

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  8. The funny thing is I don't know a single Westerner that thought India was all about giggling and running around trees, and sweet romance. They are actually surpised more by the fact that India is a well off middle class because they think the real India comes from the documentaries made by experts about slums, poverty, dirt and starvation. Whcih to be fair exist but they just didn't get the whole picture.
    People in India only get exposed to Western culture through TV series, movies and reality TV (which is heavily scripted and fake and has nothing "real" to it). No real documentaries about the west make it here not even giving viewers a chance at all to even get a glimpse at a partial picture of what the West really looks like (if there is even such a globalised concept since Europe and US are two very different culture).

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  9. Many of our movies have courtship scenes. Our courtship is just not the same as in India. Social norms dictate how a couple acts. But I do beg to differ that Indian movies don't have overtly sexual content. There's a significant amount of hip thrusting, women heave their breasts toward men frequently (almost every dance), double-meaning dialogues and men and women look at each other with inviting gazes. There's a lot of sexual undertones in Bollywood movies. They are just different from the sexual tones in American movies. Just like the US has clean, decent movies and then dirtier adult movies, so does Bollywood.

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  10. Yes! You have gained a perfect understanding of what I was trying to say. We are drawn to believe the things we see on TV when they are not accurate. It happens for both Indians viewing the US and Americans viewing the rest of the world. I have really enjoyed learning the reality of both countries and it's changed my perception of the world in general. That is why I've tried to share the reality here rather than promote more stereotypes. Hopefully I got the Indian dating part right since I've seen so little of it.

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  11. I can only imagine. It's kind of sad the way Indians use the term "west" or "westerner." It's equally as sad how Americans use the term "Asian" and such as well. These terms are too broad to be used as loosely as they are. I just wish I could live my life doing nothing but eating, drinking and having sex hahaha. It would be great to live the Hollywood lifestyle. Always thin and perfect with the highest fashion sense, money always in my pocket and never having to do anything but have fun. But sadly I wasn't born into that kind of life.

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  12. I agree. We have poor people, beggars, homeless, etc. A lot of people don't understand that. While we have more money in theory, it's also more expensive to live here. I think a lot of this distortion of culture is why I choose to continue writing here the way that I do. I honestly feel like travel magazines and such just don't do justice to the real India. They only photograph popular images like the poor women in rural areas doing hard labor to amaze their readers. They only tell you the few good points that will draw you in but don't share much of the reality. I won't even get started on the movies and documentaries that tell people about India. I actually tried to watch Hippie Masala the other day and made it about 2 minutes into. They were glorifying how a bunch of hippies ran off to India to do drugs and how the guru's there recognized how these travelers came for spiritual enlightenment. I don't see why they can't just tell it like it is - the hippies ran off to India to get high. There was nothing grand about it. I'm quite sure that many Indians would not approve of how this movie started off because they wouldn't want people thinking India is a great place to get drugs easily. Crap like this just makes me sick.

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  13. I see babies run around the house in their diapers here a lot but only in front of family and close friends typically. I think by age 2 though the majority prefer the child to be dressed most of the time. Even if it's just a one piece underwear type of outfit. Baby clothes are a huge industry. Another thing I find disturbing is how men are almost expected to sit around the house in their underwear and no shirt but a woman should be dressed up - even pajamas are not acceptable house wear during the majority of the day.

    The East Coast of the US is much more conservative than the West Coast here as well. You won't see nearly as much skin here in Virginia as you would in California for example.

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  14. So if she blushes does that mean that the consensual sex in the movies is more acceptable?

    I'm not sure which state you are from but I recently watched Mummy Punjabi, a Punjabi movie about an overpowering mother. In that movie, as innocent as it would seem, Mummy Punjabi is married but she is seen on several occasions flirting back to another man, a man who wanted to be with her in her youth (as told in the movie). There are many sexual undertones in this movie and it's quite clear he has feelings for her. Just because they don't act on them, doesn't mean the movie doesn't showcase them. As an outsider when I watched this movie I could have easily thought that all married Indian women like to be flirted with by other men. Maybe they craved the attention they weren't getting from their husbands. I wouldn't know the reality had I not lived in Punjab and saw first hand and saw for myself. And this is just one movie.

    Do you think that Katrina Kaif and Kareena Kapoor wear their short skirts just for fashion? I seriously doubt it. They want to exude sexuality just like American actresses. Then look at Salman Khan, he's definitely not a prude with his sexuality. He routinely makes comments on the news regarding his relationships. It's a good thing American's don't base their opinions of India on him. Regardless of your nationality, humans are the same all over the world.

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  15. Indeed; I'm sometimes embarrassed by some of the Bollywood dances; even in our musical theater we do not dance by hip thrusting or pointing our chests at the men we like. That seems very forward for a culture that claims to be conservative about those things? India is a high-context culture; everybody knows what is implied.

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  16. Tell me about it, a life of drinking, swimming in my huge swimming pool, living in my big house and not having to boether about things such as grocery shopping or cooking, and never have a arrrgh moment in front of my wardrobe...Of course we all want some of that, that's why movies show it to us, so we can dream :)

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  17. Hi,

    You have been exposed to the Punjabi culture which is aggressive There was time, when bollywood was dominated by the Bengali filmakers and musicians like Bima Roy, Basu Bhattacharya and Salil Chaudhary. They made sensitive, clean and intellectually stimulating family comedy entertainers. Sometimes, in the middle of the Seventies, Punjabi filmakers introduced fights, pelvic thrusts and all the stuff. With the nineties, came the NRI punjabi family story from New York and London. Bollywood culture have come to represent the culture of a particular community these days.

    Having said that, Bollywood has been a great teacher. It was the only place where where a man could hold a women's hand and romance. Generations of Indians learned Hindi from bollywood because the quality of language used in hindi movies was quiet good in those days, unlike today where we use Hinglish. I think India should patent bollywood dancing. Bollywood has beautifully incorporated elements of Indian classical music, dance and folk arts which were otherwise neglected. In all, it is a unique cultural creature.

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