Tuesday, January 1, 2013

I Define Myself

I've been given many labels in my life time. None of which truly defined me. I choose not to wear labels. I am simply me. I'm not just someone's wife, daughter-in-law, etc. I'm no movie buff, singer, etc. These things simply describe certain aspects of my life, they do not accurately represent me.

In the US it's tradition to make a list of resolutions for each new year. These resolutions are aimed at making yourself into something you want to be. Many people resolve to lose weight, save money, cook at home more or clean out their homes and lives.

I used to make resolutions as well but just like many others, I didn't always follow through with them. I wasn't committed. You can't make positive changes in yourself without the commitment and the will to do so. Making fleeting promises to yourself just because it's a holiday never works. I learned a long time ago that I had to want to change something or I was not going to follow through myself.

Before I could decide to change myself I had to evaluate what I liked and didn't like about myself, my life and the things around me. Some things I managed to successfully change were my self-esteem, my aunty behavior and my happiness.

Right now my self-esteem is pretty good but when I was younger it was not. I suffered a lot of abuse throughout my life. Some of it took years before I recognized it as abuse but the end result was the same. I didn't like myself. I was constantly finding fault with who I was, what I looked like, how I acted, etc. I couldn't pick out clothes without getting upset some days. Thank God I realized that I didn't have to cower to my past abuse and I was able to move on.

As for acting like an aunty, I think most teenage girls are dramatic. I continued mine into my early 20's. I had no problem jumping in and joining the group when they decided to talk bad about someone. I always had something to add. One day I realized that it was only me I was hurting and I challenged myself to quit. I did quit, and it didn't even take me long. This was something I felt strongly about.

Each person is unique, has their own challenges and it's not my place to judge them. I don't know what goes on in their life behind closed doors, I only know what they tell me and even if it's true, it's rarely the whole truth.A lot goes missing because even the best memory only records what is important to the individual.

As for my happiness. I was absolutely miserable for a long, long time in my life. Part of it came from the 2 things I already discussed but even more of it came from being stuck in the wrong life. I was too busy living myself for other people and doing what I thought would keep them content. It got me nowhere. I was not where I wanted to be in life at all. So I took charge of that too.

I got the education I wanted. I started seeking out the jobs I wanted. I started living my way. Not everyone elses way. I realized I am my own person and I don't define myself by how I compare to other people. In the US we call that keeping up with the Jones' and it means you try to do and have all that those around you do and have. To hell with that. I don't want all that junk in my life. I prefer a much simpler way of living.

I'm sure there's other small changes I've made. I know I changed a lot about my diet through the years but it wasn't for the same reasons or in the same way. Basically my point is this, you can resolve to do something for yourself this year but in order to keep that resolution, you have to really want it. So when you're making your resolutions, consider what means the most to you, how you can make sure you follow through and what steps do you need to take to get there.

My resolution for the year - Rebuild and strengthen the bonds between myself and my family members.

What are your resolutions this year?

2 comments:

  1. My resolution is to keep making healthy choices and tracking everything I eat and all my exercise, and to get at least back to my wedding weight (hopefully lower) by the time I go to India!

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  2. You're going to make it! You seem to be doing quite well in your commitment.

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