Monday, October 1, 2012

Sanjay and Anita Got Married

I love happy endings. So it is with great pride that I report that Sanjay and Anita, the couple discussed in this Tales from the Desi Hood post are now married! Let me give the latest details.

While I was home over the summer lives changed. Anita's parents are Sikh and Sanjay is Hindu. That may have had something to do with the problems with the marriage but I won't speculate as I've had no contact with the bride's family. Anita stood her ground and refused ever suitor who was brought before her and refused to marry. Her parents couldn't fight with her forever.

Anita's father finally met Sanjay's dad. It wasn't a great meeting by any means. Anita's father requested that Sanjay purchase land and a home in Anita's name before he would consent to the marriage. Sanjay refused because he didn't trust her father and he's not an idiot. Instead he purchased land and a house and contract was made up that after the marriage the home would be transferred into both their names. To ensure it happened quickly, Sanjay put one of her aunts on the deed at the time of purchase.

Anita's parents decided that if he was willing to go that far and wasn't stupid after all that they would agree to the marriage. They reluctantly agreed though and it showed. They planned a very small ceremony (by any country's standard) at a gurudwara out of town. Only her parents, aunts and uncles attended and Sanjay's father. They decided not to announce to anyone that the marriage took place and no friends or extended family were invited.

So Sanjay and Anita got what they both fought so hard for - a lifetime together. So far they seem to be quite happy and Anita's parents are not giving them any trouble.

What are your thoughts on her father wanting the land to be put in Anita's name before he would agree to the marriage?
Why do you think they agreed then shamefully hid the marriage?


  1. I don't think that the hiding of the marriage was necessarily "shameful" - it was probably not something they actually wanted to do. Everyone wants to and is expected to invite people to the wedding. But they probably had to weigh this against the possible problems that could come up before the wedding - influential people might try to stop the wedding that they'd tried so hard to get to happen. People could be poking their noses in, thinking it is a problem of the extended family's honor without knowing the entirety of the situation and judging at face value. And we all know once those influential people make up their minds, there's hardly any changing them, regardless of whether they learn the situation or not. So they made the difficult decision to get the marriage done first and tell people later. They can always have a reception later on and make it super lavish and invite everyone then.

  2. It was my understanding they did not intend to tell everyone even after the marriage. The house they purchased was not near the family at all. I'm sure the family did give in to this marriage they didn't want but in the end that was only because of the bribery.

    I know how bad some of the aunties can be. There was more than my fair share at my wedding. There are still some running their mouth but my family didn't hide our wedding at all. They invited everyone they could find and we had people come that we didn't even know. It's possible this family didn't want to deal with that but that still IMO indicates some level of shame.

    I just hope that Sanjay and Anita can remain happy despite the families opposition.