Sunday, October 14, 2012

A Wild Hair Story and How I Know My Bicycle Doesn't Love Me

So it's been too long since this blog has seen any real humor and since I had a story to tell, I bumped the overly controversial post I had schedule until tomorrow to give you all a good laugh today. After all, you may come after me guns-a-blazing tomorrow so I should enjoy you all as a happy bunch while I still can.

In the US we have a saying:
She got a wild hair up her butt. 

It's used to apply in situations where someone went off and did something stupid on a whim without really thinking about it and usually, it does not turn out well. Hence the headline of this post. That's exactly what I did and now you all get to laugh with me about it.

While in India I knew I was losing muscle tone and my lifestyle had become overly sedentary. I tried to walk as much as I could but it just wasn't working out so well for me. So when I came home I made it a priority to try and build my muscles back up. Every girl has some part of her body she is proud of and for me that was my muscle tone. I may have been heavy before India but I had a considerable amount of muscle. I could walk for 5-6 hours without getting tired. I loved it. (Which also gave me a fantastic butt and I suppose in some small way that fits with the topic right???? Okay fine, not really.)

I walked on the treadmill every chance I got but I started to crave more. I love walking but my mom's treadmill just wasn't much fun. So I've recently found new places to walk. It's been great. I must admit I was a little apprehensive at first because it just felt strange to go out, in public and walk. Seems simple doesn't it? But I hadn't walked in such a public setting in 2 years and for the 2 years prior to that I walked at work so I knew most of the people and it still wasn't strangers.

On day 1 (Thursday) I walked 1.5 miles. Day 2 I walked 2.5 miles and I was loving it. It was so refreshing. I still felt a little nervous about it being public but after coming home I knew I had loved it. Day 3 I walked 2 more miles and then I got the wild hair up my butt. I would take someone with me just in case. It had been a while but I wasn't completely worried.

This is the evil, inviting monster!
It started like this.

I used to ride a bike a lot. I was never great at it and I never rode in any cycling events, etc. I used to ride to the store and around the neighborhood. I loved the feel of the wind on my face and blowing through my hair. I still have my old bike (my dad used it while I was in India) and he gave it back to me so I thought it was a great time to go riding. I had something I needed to do. It was only 4 miles away and **I thought** the terrain was fairly level along my path.

So I got all excited, got myself ready and started out on my journey. I got less than half a mile and started up a steady incline. I could feel the pressure in my legs but wasn't worried. I easily got to the top of the incline and felt gratified. I triumphed! Then I hit another small incline shortly after, and again triumphed. The next mile of my trip was super easy and I wound up coasting through most of it. I felt confident, I can do this. It's not so bad and I guess it's not a big deal I went so long without riding.

I kept going, pedaling as needed to get to my destination. 2 miles passed and things were going well. I was feeling a little burn from the few short inclines but I was not worried. Going back those inclines would be downhill slopes and I still felt confident. Just as I had made it 3 miles that's when I began to realize that all that 'easy' stuff hadn't been so easy on my body. I felt cheated! My body clearly wasn't listening to my brain because my brain was doing well.

I started really feeling the toll and told my accomplice that "I'm not going to make it." Still, I kept going....but not far. There was this guardrail on the side of the road that looked too much like a chair to me. Amid my poor thighs starting to revolt and my hips just not wanting to go through the cycling motions anymore I pulled over and promptly set on that guardrail. It wasn't nearly as comfortable as I thought.

Apparently I was also overheated. Right after I sat down I started feeling nauseous and as such climbed the guardrail. Heaven forbid a good southern woman vomit where traffic could see! Sitting atop the guardrail was not comfy at all feeling that way so I moved down to the grass. After about 30 seconds my mind somehow thought it would be better to lay down for just a minute until the nausea passed.

So there I was laying in the grass - yes me the germophobe...the one who incessantly complained about the dirt in India...yes - when all of a sudden my mouth betrayed me. I uttered the words "I'm sick, Ima die. I'm not doing good. I'm serious, I think Ima die." LOL. My accomplice just looked at me and said that's what happens sometimes. (I'm quite sure he was trying to put it nicely so I didn't feel like an idiot for going out for an 8 mile bike ride on my first trip. Just for the record, it's 4 miles to our destination and 4 miles back.) It's a shame he didn't get a picture. I can only imagine what I looked like there in the grass laying down like it was normal. Hahaha.

After about a minute I got up, feeling much better and dusted the dirt off my legs. I simply couldn't be seen in black yoga pants with dirt on them. No. I also took off my hoodie and packed it in the backpack I had brought along just in case I wanted to buy something while I was out. I started out again on my bike thinking the road I was on looked pretty level. Ummm no. It was not. I only made it another 1/4 mile before I sent my accomplice the remaining distance without me. I then sat back down on the guardrail - which I assure you is not that comfortable - and waited for him to complete the errand I clearly was not able to.

It didn't take him long and I got up, feeling well rested, crossed the road and joined him again on this bike ride. In my mind I was thinking, if that was all a slight incline then the trip back should be a slight decline. Somehow, I was wrong. I rode about 1/2 mile and then got off and walked my bike to a nearby store. I thought it would be restful to browse around, check prices on a few things and then climb the last bit of hill to the end of that road and head back home.

Wrong again! I wound up walking up the hill from the store because I realized that it being in the middle of the hill I had no chance to get up any momentum and my thighs were telling the bike to eff off by this point. So I walked to the top of the hill, crossed into another parking lot and got back on the bike. My poor leg didn't want to lift high enough to go over it anymore but I knew I had to at least get it home - only 2 miles to go right??

I made it up the short incline at the start of the road and again felt confident that I would make it. Then another incline came and I made it over that one. After that one I got to coast a little and was feeling some relief. Then I saw it. Another incline - much longer than the last two and my mind gave up. I got off the bike and started walking. I was determined I was done with the hills lol. I walked to the top of the hill saying things like "if I make it to that point I will stop and drink some more gatorade."

I did make it back to my road. I got super lucky because there's a big hill at the top of it and I thought "let me use this hill to get up momentum and then maybe I can coast home." So I got to the top of the hill, drank plenty of gatorade and then got back on the bike. I was feeling very self conscious because 2 women were nearby getting ready to go on their walk for the day and I thought how odd I must look walking a bicycle around lol. Oh well, the only way to end the embarrassment was to get home.

So I put the gatorade away and started coasting down the hill. I was going way too fast and had to use the brakes but I made it. I got up some good speed and started down the road. And there it was....another incline. I would not be beaten! I pedaled as much as my legs could bear and I made it over. Then I was home free! I coasted the remaining 1/4 mile to my home and thank God I got back alive. Lol.

During this time my face was red. I don't mean pleasantly pink like a lady who just worked out at the gym. No. I'm ghostly pale and so when I get red, I get red. My face looked like a sunburn gone wrong! I promptly took myself to the shower while my legs were still willing to move and after I got out I then threw myself on the bed.

I'm still laying there now and typing this up. Can I just say - legs hurt! Where is my hubby when I need a massage!

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