Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I'm Not Marrying You Unless My Daddy Agrees

The perils of Jagdeep. This one will make you sad and angry all at the same time.

Jagdeep never went to college because he didn't need or want to. His family are wealthy business owners and he quickly devoted his life to working in the family store with his brother. He has connections everywhere and leads a generally good life. That was, until he met a girl named Sandeep.

I don't know how they met but he fell head over heels in love and I think all men except him know how expensive women can be. Jagdeep wanted to marry her and so both went to their parents. Both sets of parents forbid it. Jagdeeps mother said he was too young and her family wasn't rich enough. Sandeeps parents said that he wasn't educated and could never give her the life they wanted for her. The couple didn't give up and insisted they would never marry anyone else.

They were together for a couple of years, the parents knowing about it but still disagreeing. At one point Jagdeeps mother did forbid him from seeing Sandeep but that didn't stop him. It wasn't long before he had spent his entire life savings on buying her things and taking her out. Oddly enough that's when the trouble started.

Jagdeep was completely upset when he came to us and asked us to help him put some kind of program on her computer so he could see what she was up to. He suspected he was no longer her only boyfriend. Though I don't think these things are good I helped him install a program that took screenshots of everything and told him when to bring the laptop back so we could go over it.

When he brought it back we found out he was right. She had a second online profile she didn't tell him about and she was up all night talking to random men every night. She was posting pictures and asking for compliments and she was getting plenty of them. They weren't her real pictures. But, what really broke Jagdeeps heart was the chat conversations she was having with several men on a regular basis. She never told them she had a boyfriend and if they asked she lied. She was telling them where she lived and more. While we couldn't prove she was meeting them offline, what we saw was enough for Jagdeep to confront her.

The two managed to work things out for the time being but have both now agreed that once she graduates (she's here in college) that they will go their separate ways and marry whomever their parents pick for them. Basically their agreement is a friends with benefits kind of deal now.

Thoughts to ponder:
  • Are arranged marriages stifling happy and well working relationships?
  • Is infidelity a love killer or was true love not there to begin with?
  • Should education or income be a deciding factor in whether or not someone is marriage worthy?
  • Are Indian parents too involved in their children's major life choices when they don't even know what's going on in their children's lives, minds and hearts?


  1. 'Is infidelity a love killer or was true love not there to begin with?'Infidelity is a sign if selfishness if not outright hostility. I doubt whether this young woman was ever seriously 'in love' with Mr Jagdeep to begin with, she seems very immature asking for compliments from random men.

    'Should education or income be a deciding factor in whether or not someone is marriage worthy?'
    Yes, whether we westerners admit it or not- 'love' is not enough. Financial stability is important to a successful marriage. I don't think one needs to be necessarily of similar educational status, but if the income isn't there to maintain a certain 'lifestyle' -difficulties are bound to arise.

  2. Yeah I don't think she loves him either. She's young, immature and he's head over heels in love. I also agree that love is not enough. It takes a lot to make a marriage work.

  3. I agree with P this girl seems immature and it really looks like a teenage romance to me, not love.
    As for the indian parents being too involved in thier children's major lifechoice: YES, not just marriage, but sudies as well. But while they care a bit too much about who they choose to see and what field of studies they should go in, there seem to be less incline into going in the realm of feelings. For the older generation there seem to be that idea that, of course your children will want to do what you want them to do because they owe their parents something. There is that idea that parent sacrificed themselves for the sake of their kids and that a grown up kid will have to pay them back by first marrying a spouse the parents approve of, and then have a high paying job to support them in their old age. While the "debt" seem to be more material than emotional, as in the parents spent money on the kid's education and such. There is a well known system of emotional blackmail parents use to talk their kids out of wanting to marry a girl/boy of their own choice for love.

  4. Yes some are definitely too involved. I wonder if Indian children feel the same as we do about taking care of parents. I know they do it because they have to but I actually want to. I can't imagine not taking care of my parents or in-laws. It's not just the sense of obligation. I feel a strong sense of caring. I know Indians love their parents, I just wonder if the feelings are the same, the emotions are as strong and such since we have a choice and they don't seem to. Maybe I just think too much and this is a bad question but I wonder things like that lol.