Saturday, August 11, 2012

Aunty Drama Factory

I don't know if I should label this post as humorous or not. This is one of those things where you never know if you should laugh or shake your head.

Before marriage, hubby occasionally told me about how western women come to India, marry young men and have fun (you can read that wild sex because that's how he implies it) and then leave them and never come back. I didn't listen to him because it sounded absurd. Yes, some western women use men as toys but rarely do they marry them first. This conflicts with many things Indians typically think about the western world. (AKA how some young men think all westerners are easy...if we were giving out sex so easy why would we marry you to get it???? hmmmm???)

I certainly had never heard of an American woman running off to India to have herself a Kama Sutra holiday (that's what I'm gonna call it). I'm certain it happens - just look at the Osho followers - but if it does, it just doesn't seem rational it would be some young, unsuspecting and innocent young man who had no idea this westerner wanted to light up his nights for a while. Young Indian men aren't that stupid from what I see. Of any young man...I mean, think about always think about sex so how is it when a westerner, who many percieve as easy, comes their way they would stop thinking about it?? Yeah, still doesn't make sense to me.

After marriage and being involved with the pardesi community for almost 4 years now I have yet to see one single example of any westerner who ran off to have herself a Kama Sutra Holiday at the expense of some unsuspecting young Indian man. I've heard about this elusive westerner a time or two but I've never seen it happen to anyone I know nor have any of the 300+ pardesi's that I interact with ever mentioned knowing anyone who suffered such a horror.

Well, apparently after marriage you're not immune to the aunty drama parade. I'm confident there are aunty gossip circles that have destroyed lives with their ridiculous, made-up tales like this one. I can just see the young people hiding from the drama aunty glares as they walk down the street to go home - now that's real horror.

Ignorant to the fact that Amritsar is having serious power outages and how sick I got last year during this same type of heat wave, the aunties have started targeting our home with their drama. Twice now some meddling old aunty has come to our door to inform my MIL that white women like to come in and have flings with young Indian men then run off and never return. It's as if no one noticed I lived there for 16 months or was a model citizen in the neighborhood and none of them remember all the praise they gave MIL over how wonderful I behaved while I was there (they don't know how I acted alone in my room lol). They've forgotten how great they all remarked I was and how many times they told her that I was better than any Indian wife would have been (and I have no proof of their claim because all the Indian wives I knew were quite spectacular).

And this is why I love MIL (yes, she gets on my nerves from time to time but that's life when you live with someone). MIL went off on both of these women. She kicked them out of the house and told them their filthy gossip (not her exact words) wasn't welcome in her home. I just wish I could have been there to see it lol. I see and talk to MIL, FIL and the rest of the family on a regular basis on Skype and the phone. I have not forgotten about them, we have all agreed that India is no place for me to be right now and they have put my health first.

So for my Indian readers I have to ask - Do you personally know someone who has been the victim of a Kama Sutra holiday?? And I mean know them, not hard about them through the aunty drama factory or any other drama outlet. A friend of a friend or the guy your buddy knows doesn't count either. Do you know someone and have talked to them face to face about how they were sexually victimized by some western woman just looking for fun??

For my pardesi readers - Do you ever hear this nonsense story yourself? Does your husband personally know an Indian man who was victimized by some adventurous woman who paid $2000 for a vacation to India to play this trick on some poor unsuspecting young Indian man?

***Just FYI. Yes, I do know western women who married a desi man for love and had good intentions but for whatever reason were not able to stay married to them forever. This is completely different. Not all marriages work out and interracial or intercultural marriages are especially difficult. Not everyone can survive it. It's also interesting to note that in the pardesi relationships I know about, it's typically the Indian man who wants the divorce and not the pardesi woman. Yes, we are difficult to live with, stubborn and typically head strong.


  1. sorry i can't help you.

    i am probably hearing this story for the first time. i have heard some crap about western women being nymphos ... but never this marriage part ...

  2. I think there's a lot of difference in perception between what happens and what is perceived.

    Perhaps the situation goes like this:
    Indian man meets Western woman, they fall in love, they get married with good intentions. Then something happens and they split up.

    From the Western woman's perspective, she "wasn't able to stay married to him." Maybe he cheated. Maybe he was overbearing and childish. Maybe he wanted to spend more time working than with her. Maybe they just got married too soon and didn't realize how really incompatible they were. Any reason that could cause a marriage in the West to break up, would be a reason. And because she is financially independent and not culturally conditioned to stay in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere, she left; it was the better choice. Or he left because he's a jerk and a loser/put parents or job or alcohol or family name above her. She is a strong, successful, independent woman and can do way better than that guy.

    From the Indian man's perspective, she had bad intentions from the start / wanted his family's wealth / wanted to have some fun / just wasn't "a good woman" because SHE was the one who left when she should have stayed and tried to work it out/sacrifice like a good wife should/put family above herself or - if he leaves - because she's white and it really wouldn't matter to her since she has no family values/his parents FORCED him to choose between them and her and he chose them/she was a crazy b*tch. He should have listened to what everyone told him about marrying a white woman.

    Both sides will happily rationalize what happened to make them the hero in the situation and the other person the villain. And of course, once the girl has left India, no one is hearing her side. They're just hearing all about how horrible Western women are from the jilted guy and his family, and about these bizarre games we play because we're all sociopaths - which of course we know are not true, but just real life situations blown wildly out of proportion.

  3. Lol. Thanks for your input. Some westerners are nymphos, they show it on TV and trust me, you don't want one of those girls.

  4. Thanks for your comment s0nali. Those are some interesting points. It is quite possible this white women leave scenario is a cover up for a broken marriage. I just wondered where in the world they would get this information from. I know marriages break up but even in the desi/pardesi mixed community you don't hear about them that often. I'm guessing this is a bad rumor (or rationalization) that has just spread too far.

  5. Id say sonali has it pretty spot on. What is be be added are the visa marriages, or money marriages. Thats when the poor unsuspecting indian boy latches on to a bad villianous western women with the intent of marrying her for visa into her country or money support because she makes such good money in the west and he of course would love to call her more often but ehm his cell phone like broke and if she....? Might start with a cellphone and end with paying whole families rent. I was going to say might only be in tourist areas but then i remembered you are from punjab and there is many poot people there. Some have few scruples. In my country there was a study done on punjabi amnesty seekers,they are extremly risky of sexual diseases because of frequent sex with different partners. My own interpretation is they have sex in hope they have either a child or marriage with one of their partners. Which would quarentee them stay in the country. So it may be true that women come get entagled with some guys that are like that,and then realize it and break it off, making them the sexdriven westner that marries innocent indians and then just leaves them high and dry in india.

  6. I never heard this thing before either, I don't even know women into this, or desi guys who've been victim of that. Definitely an Aunty drama factory product.
    I heard the stereotype of western women being easy and having a Nympho tendency. And it's as ridiculous as any of the other stereotypes about western women or the west there is out there.

    And the girl marrying to have sex and then leave doesn't even hold, if a girl wants easy sex she will not be bothered with a guy that insist on marriage first, she'll find an easier prey in the first place!

  7. I know that this is the opposite of what you are asking about.... but if anything I feel it is the Indian men leaving western women (often due to the pressure of family) as opposed to the opposite. I am an Aussie girl who was in a very serious committed relationship with a Haryanvi for two years that recently ended due to family pressures on his end. I must say that I have met so many women over here that have been in loving committed relationships where the desi has left, however in my large circle of Desi friends I have never heard the opposite! Glad to hear that you are having a good time in the States :) xo

  8. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I've heard a lot about the desi partner leaving as well. It's very sad. I had intense fears before marriage that the same thing would happen to me. I feel there is a general consensus in some circles that we (western women) don't matter because we're not Indian and we won't live the way they are raised to live or adhere to the same values. A lot of what I've seen indicates we're not thought of as people with real feelings.