Monday, April 2, 2012

H.I.S. - Does Your Indian Have It?

***Disclaimer*** This is intended to be funny....if you're Indian and you can't laugh when someone picks on you in a harmless manner then don't read it. Nothing in this post is meant to be mean in any way.

H.I.S. is the acronym developed (by me lol) to stand for Hyper Indian Syndrome. This syndrome is new to researchers and has been studied very little. (Or maybe not at all since it's fictitious and I made it up.)

Symptoms:
  • Dials the phone repeatedly until his friend picks up.
  • Sends a text message and then dials the person they texted before the message ever has a chance to be delivered.
  • Asks multiple times if the food is done when they can see you just started cooking (especially if they weren't hungry before you started).They may also try to grab handfuls of food as it's getting done as if they can't possibly wait any longer.
  • Verbally insists you hurry and get ready when they want to go somewhere, only to wait for you to be done before they even start getting ready themselves.
  • Insists on starting major tasks before you are ready/have all the supplies gathered, etc. 
  • Freaks out when you mention some Indian food you don't like. 
  • Decides he's ready to go to bed and doesn't understand why you're not ready within 3 seconds after he makes that decision.  
  • The stop light turns red but he makes no effort to slow down (him or the 20 other drivers around him).
  • Jumps around and acts like a mental patient or engages in undesirable behaviors while watching Big Boss or other reality shows. 
  • Constantly moves or shakes parts of his body - like wiggling his legs the entire 7 hours of a train ride or wiggling his legs for 20 minutes before falling asleep at night. (You may also want to have him checked for restless leg syndrome.) 
  • He can't remember how to spell something and so he races up the stairs way too early in the morning screaming as if someone has been injured for you to wake up. When you greet him at the door worried he hands you a phone and asks you to tell the person on the other end how to spell something.
Treatment:
  • Remind your Indian to breathe. This forces them to pay more attention to something besides whatever is causing the hyperactivity.
  • Take away the remote control and firmly indicate you will change the channel if the behavior continues.
  • Remind them that plain flour and water is even more bland than western foods and yet they eat it at every meal.
  • Utilize the benefits of the syndrome by taking your time getting ready to leave until your Indian starts getting ready himself so as to hurry you along. 
  • Place freshly ready food into a container with a top or cover the dish with something so they cannot see what is ready. This way you can all still eat at the same time when you get all of the food ready. Or, use the oven/pressure cooker/crock pot to cook the food.
  • Act like he scared you so bad you're never going to ride anywhere with him again when he misbehaves in traffic. Make sure to mention how you fear for your life. Create such a drama that he will think twice before running red lights again. Before leaving the house with him give him a concerned look and ask him if he'll be driving safely this time.
Cure:
While you can try moving your Indian to a western country there is no guarantee they will be cured. Their standards may relax some which will make this syndrome much more tolerable though.

Try to remember you can take the Indian out of India but you can't take India out of the Indian!

**I live with 2 H.I.S. sufferers (and 2 non-sufferers) so based on my extremely limited research pool that means there's a 50% chance your Indian could have this. These results are not scientific!

9 comments:

  1. "Constantly moves or shakes parts of his body - like wiggling his legs the entire 7 hours of a train ride or wiggling his legs for 20 minutes before falling asleep at night. (You may also want to have him checked for restless leg syndrome.)"  - Haha! I loved this. This activity is a daily annoyance for me. It is beyond restless leg syndrome...it's like restless entire body syndrome. :)

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  2. Thanks for the laugh :-)
    I get annoyed by the "get ready we will leave soon" coming from the land of cuckoo clocks IST is still a notion that baffles me a little. It never fails I always end up standing all dressed and ready to go while he is still in his underwear, at which point he suddenly remembers he wants to pay a last billl online and end up on cricinfo instead of the bank's site...sigh.
    Another H.I.S symptom is to just have the TV on as well as muic blasting on the music system and watching a video on you tube, which force you to yelll to be heard and your Indian to wonder why you are screaming so loud, or shushing you because they are dialing the phone to talk to a friend in the middle of that high decibel mayhem

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  3. Lol, I do know about the loudspeaker rule and it's after 10PM not 11. However, you and I both know the police don't do crap so nothing ever comes of complaints. I've made them, they pay bribes and the music goes on. I also know a lot of Indians and a good amount of things I write about here are experiences of other gori's as well as myself. Yes, we are being duped on many levels and it's my point to dispell these crazy things they're told. The rules I break don't matter to most but it is a peaceful way to protest the BS I have to deal with without adding stress to my husband. He suffers almost as much as I do. We're both just waiting to get out of this oppressive household. I do need a break -desperately lol.

    I'm not offended by your comment, I find it funny. But, you should also understand that it is very difficult to navigate moving to another country and trying to learn everything that everyone else already knows. I have reason to fear the drug dealer that I haven't stated here. I fear men in general to begin with due to my past but he's now begun standing outside of our door and I know how unpredictable drug addicts can be.

    As for your universities, I must warn you L.A. is one of the worst cities in the US. Yes, they have tons of stuff there but they also have one of the highest levels of violence. Whatever you do, don't move to Riverside, people there get killed based on the color of their clothes. The gang violence is horrific. If you do choose that university then spend some time familiarizing yourself with gang codes of the Bloods and Crypts so you can protect yourself. Yes, it's possible to have a normal, safe life there and since you're used to the chaos in India, you may even do quite well there. Before you go, make sure you begin to get involved with some of the desi community there. It will greatly improve your chances of integrating into the city well.

    South Carolina has some very racist cities but you didn't say which one. So, if you're moving to the beach areas then try live around Charleston where there's more of a metro area and more immigrants. In the north I think Greenville would be okay, it's a larger city. Ohio I'm not familiar with but I did have a friend in uni there. He liked it but got bored a lot. Cincinatti is a big city there and there's a few other places as well. It's very cold. Wait till you get there to buy a jacket, Indian winter coats won't be warm enough I promise. You just don't have to deal with that kind of cold here.

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  4. Lol, yeah mine too sometimes. Drives me crazy when I'm trying to watch a movie. I don't know where he gets the energy.

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  5. Good one! I forgot about the phone. Rohit's never stops ringing it seems. I told him one of these days I'm going to hide it just so I don't have to hear him yell over top of all the noise. The TV has a mute button for a reason lol.

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  6. Thank you very much for your reply. The first time, you really helped me. I appreciate it.

    I wont understand some of your problems, until I myself experience it. I know.Well, I don't know the exact details about La. but I wont be near riverside, I had seen it on Google maps. The univ is University of Southern California. and as far as I know it is very far from Riverside. I believe it is in downtown LA, but just a guess.I havn't given the place of study thought much while applying. I just applied on the basis of my gre score and univ rankings. So, though of asking you to get real world perspective. Since, you seem to know pretty much all the details, you have to tell me more now :)1. About Columbus, Ohio.2. Columbia, South Carolina3. San Jose. CA4. Burlington, Vermont

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  7. Seriously? First time I've helped? You haven't at least laughed a few times? You know they say laughter is the best medicine. I could have saved you from countless diseases and colds and such. Hahaha.

    I liked Columbia South Carolina. Very friendly place but I must say I'm not sure about racism there since I'm white. It's a kind of quiet city with a lot to offer. Beautiful place.

    USC does have a campus at Riverside in L.A. But, it's only for certain subjects and it's likely you're looking into the main campus which is much better. Columbus Ohio is where my friend was and other than getting bored occasionally he liked it there. The weather will be your biggest concern in that city. I know nothing of Burlington Vermont. San Jose is one of those cities you rarely hear anything about which means it's fairly safe. There's a huge immigrant community there as well and it's not too far for you to drive over to Little Punjab in the neighboring city of Yuba City whenever you miss home. It's 249 Km but our traffic moves faster than here (that drive will take you 3 hours max) so it could be a nice weekend trip when you really need the support of other Indians and to visit bazaars and such.

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  8. Seriously? First time I've helped? You haven't at least laughed a few times? You know they say laughter is the best medicine. I could have saved you from countless diseases and colds and such. Hahaha.

    I liked Columbia South Carolina. Very friendly place but I must say I'm not sure about racism there since I'm white. It's a kind of quiet city with a lot to offer. Beautiful place.

    USC does have a campus at Riverside in L.A. But, it's only for certain subjects and it's likely you're looking into the main campus which is much better. Columbus Ohio is where my friend was and other than getting bored occasionally he liked it there. The weather will be your biggest concern in that city. I know nothing of Burlington Vermont. San Jose is one of those cities you rarely hear anything about which means it's fairly safe. There's a huge immigrant community there as well and it's not too far for you to drive over to Little Punjab in the neighboring city of Yuba City whenever you miss home. It's 249 Km but our traffic moves faster than here (that drive will take you 3 hours max) so it could be a nice weekend trip when you really need the support of other Indians and to visit bazaars and such.

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  9. thanks for you help. will ask you more if needed.

    And yes, thanks for all the laughter you have bestowed upon me through your posts. I am highly obliged. And I truly mean it: ):  :)

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