Thursday, March 15, 2012

A Baker's Dozen Plus One

Today marks 14 full months I've been living in India. I completely missed my 13 month update because I had too much going on and I guess it slipped my mind. So this post will serve as my update for the last two months.

Things started off okay, went downhill, got crazy, got hectic and are just now calming back down. I've had a lot of stress and depression the last couple of months.

I've had stress coming from all the expenses I'm going to incur throughout the rest of this year. First I have my upcoming and much needed trip home. That's going to cost a fortune because I plan on living it up just like the prodigal son in the bible. I'm going to squander all my money on riotous living. AKA...I'm going to buy and do everything I have missed while being here. When I come back, because I have to, we'll have more travel expenses for hubby's visa. Then immediately after that we will have moving expenses. Either to the US or anywhere else but here. If necessary, I will buy a house rather than living here with this family any longer.

I have more stress coming from the medical issues, sicknesses and general life here in this city. To combat that I got out a few more times than normal, sat and chatted with friends and ate high quality food. Though I can't do that daily because we all have busy lives now, I held onto the happiness as long as possible. Of course I still have to come home and this house is just not a comfortable place for me in many ways.

On a good note, I landed a very prestigious client and have been working quite a bit. It's not my typical niche but the money is really good, especially considering I only work half a day and it's almost twice as much pay than the contract I lost back on October. If it hadn't been for the sickness and tiredness and depression I'd have no more stress about all the outrageous expenses coming up. So by next month I should have a lot less stress to report on.

I saw a drastic change in my MIL over the last month. While I can't say she's the proverbial feared/hated Indian MIL, I do think she's working overtime to maintain her status in the home. Which I can assure you no one is trying to take from her. I have no desire to be the mistress of the house because I don't need any more stress and I'm sure anything I tried to do would just be undermined. I've seen it already when I rearranged the flowers on the terrace. The terrace on my floor of the house. I cleaned up the terrace and it didn't take long before everything was put back into a chaotic mess. Not to mention my own room doesn't seem to be my own space either as people now come and go as they please and take what they want if it's . not locked up.

I've become like a common criminal in my own home. My belongings and trash are searched at random. Hubby got yelled/cussed at when I went out to lunch with a friend. He took my side against his parents though this sure didn't make him feel good nor will it make him ban me from seeing friends. It wasn't my first time going out alone and we both felt this episode was completely unjustified.

I have had to start fighting off the urge to get my suitcases out and start cleaning and airing them out for my trip. It's way too early and I know I would just have to do it twice. To say I'm excited about leaving would be an understatement. I'm concerned about how hubby will fare while I'm gone but I know for the my health and the health of our relationship I have to take this break.

At the moment some of my depression is subsiding but I still have quite an overpowering sense of hopelessness. I will never be a part of this family the way a person should be accepted into it. I will never be able to live in this house with these family members. I feel misled about a lot of things I was told before coming here. Some were my own expectations and some were promises I was made that I'm tired of fighting to make come true.

This month I also finally put my foot down on one other issue. I live in a very negative environment in many ways. But, one of the things that has really drove me nuts is how every time we go anywhere hubby swears it's not a good place. So every neighborhood is a "bad area" and every table in every restaurant is not a good table, "why did you have to sit here." I told him that didn't help my already significantly low view of this city for him to keep telling me things like that. I don't think he had realized just how much he said that stuff before I pointed it out. Right now though I'm in survival mode until I can get on that plane and I need to think there's some sense of normalcy here somewhere.

I think that about sums up the last 2 months. Obviously I'm still experiencing quite a bit of culture shock and the cycles that expats go through with that. It's been a very long and rough road. Thank God it's about to come to an end. I'm just hoping I can come back from the US with a renewed spirit and enough energy to face the challenges I still have to face here.

9 comments:

  1. Poor rohit. lol.

    All your options tell him that he is going to have to find new job.

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  2. He's been looking for a while. The company he works for his horrible. The worst I've seen and it's not an Indian company thing because I've never seen any other Indian company this bad or heard any stories like his. OMG. It's amazing that place survives. He's all too happy to be looking for any other job he can.

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  3.  that would be good for him and you to find a new job, ideally you guys should try to find a place in a big metro, you would be much happier there as the living standards will be much better. Not to mention that in a place on your own you will be freed from the negativity going in his family.

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  4. Oh absolutely. I'm doing everything I can to help him find something better too. I do need to be in a different house. I need at least my own floor that I can lock people out of and have all the things I need to not have to see them if I don't want to at the very least.

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  5. Hi Kristy, it's Marian from the facebook. As I told you, your blog is a good read. Really sorry to hear about what you are dealing with as far as the yelling and the family getting between you and your husband. A lot of what you describe is on a par with emotional abuse, IMHO, and as a feisty Irish girl I know I would have gotten up in someone's face by now if I were in your shoes. So, good for you for handling it so well, and good for him for standing his ground and siding with you where he can. Good luck finding new job opportunities soon so that the two of you can make your own life and also your health can improve as well!!

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  6. GOD! You really need errr. DESERVE a break from this place errr. LIFE  :)

    Why dont you cheer up your thoughts and write all about what you are going to do in your trip home. May be thinking about it all will make you DREAM and feel good.

     Happy planing for holidays :)

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  7. I would have definitely been in some faces if it weren't for the language barrier. There's many times I've confronted the English speaking family members about the things they do. It gets ignored though.

    I did just land a major new client. Once I get published (which takes time) I'll share the links. I'm writing for a major West coast newspaper now. Of course, I'm hoarding all that money for my summer vaca. I have big plans.

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  8. I definitely do need a break. Maybe I'll do a blog post about my plans lol. I bet you all would get a good laugh just at the mention of how often I intend to eat. I know I do because in reality I could never hold that much food lol.

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  9. I would have definitely been in some faces if it weren't for the language barrier. There's many times I've confronted the English speaking family members about the things they do. It gets ignored though.

    I did just land a major new client. Once I get published (which takes time) I'll share the links. I'm writing for a major West coast newspaper now. Of course, I'm hoarding all that money for my summer vaca. I have big plans.

    ReplyDelete