Friday, January 27, 2012

Stupid Is As Stupid Does - AKA Drama in A Joint Family Household

Let me first apologize, I have left out several small and seemingly uninteresting Uncle ji incidents because I didn't think they were blog post worthy. Now I have to catch you guys up on some things but I'm sure you'll be quite shocked at the behavior of some people. With the addition of the latest incident I am just astounded at how utterly ridiculous some people can be. Now without further delay I should advise you Uncle ji's new name is now going to be Uncle Jerk from this point forward in any of my posts.

Now BIL sends gifts to the family quite frequently and I've often been amazed at some of the things that come through this household. And you will all remember that I posted a couple of weeks ago about the tablet. Right now I need to backtrack as far as October so you guys get the whole story and a good clear picture of how bad this situation is.

In October BIL specifically sent a BlackBerry Torch to Uncle Jerk. Uncle Jerk refused it because the volume wouldn't go loud enough. I didn't think too much of it at the time because he has some difficulty hearing (or so I thought considering how loud he keeps his TV). The BlackBerry was given to hubby instead and he had it 2 days before Uncle Jerk requested it back. Less than a week later, and being unable to get MY wifi to work on the phone he sent it back to hubby again. Yes, this would be considered poor behavior on his part by anyone in the US. Hubby had no trouble getting the wifi to work at all and has been a happy owner of the phone ever since.

In November a brand new HandyCam was sent, Uncle Jerk refused it because it was the wrong brand of electronics. Hubby and I find it quite useful, just so you all know. I still however use my own camera which I love about 99% of the time. In December FIL had specifically requested a nice camera so he could give it as a gift to a long time friend and well respected colleague. BIL gladly sent one and it was a 3D camera. Uncle Jerk got all excited and tried to take it over and FIL promptly told him not to even take a single picture with it and refused to give him the batteries. FIL made it clear he didn't want to give a used gift to his friend and didn't want anyone using the camera. Uncle Jerk pitched a fit about this and I didn't even think about this much until the tablet came.

So when the tablet came they tried to be the first down to get their hands on anything and everything they could. Only, hubby had told his cousin who brought the stuff to us to hide the tablet because we knew they were going to start trouble. So they never saw the tablet. A gift was sent for the girl child and she got it and was happy because it was just what she wanted - a giant basket of imported chocolates. So I got the tablet and put it out of sight. Hubby and I didn't want to rub it in, make them feel bad in any way, etc. Not only that but we knew they were already trying to start a war over this tablet when it was not sent to them.

So they started asking everyone if BIL sent something else and for a day or two MIL just said she didn't know. And she didn't because she wasn't home when the stuff was delivered. Only myself and the little girl were. Hubby had the iPhone and when his mom asked he told her it had come in with a software issue and he had sent it to be repaired so that Uncle Jerk wouldn't get it and it wasn't working. He thought that was the right thing to do. So it came back from repair and hubby gave it to his dad. His dad didn't give it to Uncle Jerk right away and no one questions why but he did give it to him.

Now, Uncle Jerk and his whole family aren't talking to us and at first I thought it was just hubby and I and was only about the tablet. However just last night I learned that Chachi brought the iPhone back and told MIL give it to hubby they didn't want it and also made mention of how BIL is sending all these gifts for them and that we (all 4 of us) are all taking their gifts. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME! What kind of moron thinks that someone is going to send you gifts all the time and never send anything for his parents or siblings? You're not some God that you get first rights to everything that comes in the house, though they don't seem to realize that.

So through all this I have now learned their entire family has shunned our entire family for the last two weeks. Can you imagine the tension in the house when your bedroom door faces your enemies? Thank God I live on the 3rd floor with no family neighbors. This mess is just ridiculous. They don't look at my face, I don't see conversations between MIL and Chachi during the day and they barely speak to hubby when he comes into the house. The girl child has been my friend through all of this though and has been more social since the incident started (I really need to blog about my relationship with her - where does the time go?). The boy child talks to us pretty much like normal. So it's only the adults acting ridiculous over there.

Oh, and during this two weeks they were shunning us, they managed to whine enough to BIL he's now sending another tablet and more electronics to appease them. Poor BIL is stressed to say the least thinking he has to save the family relations with his hard earned money. I know I can be a little hot-headed at times but I swear I just want to smack these two around a little bit and knock some sense into them. Their behavior just angers me. I really can't stand people that act like this. And there are tons more little things I could tell you about how they treat MIL and FIL already that would even have you irritated and you don't have to live here! Those posts are coming. What better way to get out my frustration than a blog post after all.

On a more positive note, I also found out quite a bit more than I previously knew about Chachi and her birth family too now. (Leave it to animosity to bring a few skeletons out of the old joint-family closet.) So I have a rather insightful blog post coming about arranged marriage brides and what life is like for them after they are sent off to the husbands home.

20 comments:

  1. Ugh! Is it high school in your house, I just can't believe grown ups would act like this over...GIFTS
    I hope BIL will blow up one day and stop sending gifts  their way, they clearly don't deserve them.

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  2. I agree! Poor BIL is calling almost daily right now he's so concerned over what is going on. I don't doubt one bit they have convinced him it's his fault somehow or something like that. I really wish I could tell him the truth but I think it would hurt him to find out how they are using and mistreating him for their own benefit.

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  3. So you got the dose of Indian family drama.. sometimes it is so yucky and there are quite few going on around me :(

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  4. You have such problems with Uncle Jis, lucky you, you don't know how annoying Auntie jis can be!

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  5. This is exactly why western people usually prefer to live in nuclear family, to stay away from all this crap!

    Nicky Singh

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  6. I don't how righteous is it to call someone "Jerk" specially if they are your old relatives but I guess it may have been the last resort to flush out all the frustration within. 

    Like all medium of expression, I can see well, Blogs have become a favourite places specially for goris married to Indians to vent out their frustration and angst about their family affairs in Public. Don't know if its right or wrong but I know only one thing that when Goris don't understand or like the family dynamics of Indians why do they waste their precious life marrying Indians. 

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  7. Or divorce easily hmmm.. 

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  8. Yeah, I've seen and heard some aunty drama a few houses away and I am grateful it doesn't happen here lol. They are so loud! This one neighbor had her husband crying and begging to be let back in the house and she didn't seem to care how many people heard and there were several women trying to calm her down and stand up for him. It was awful.

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  9. True. Because if I didn't live in the house I would never have to see or hear about it.

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  10. Interesting, if that's your opinion then I would have to say you don't understand the Gori dynamic at all. I would also say you haven't read much of my blog or of several others. I have posted many times about the loving relationship between I and my MIL, the most recent just a few days ago.

    One thing you may also not realize is that in the west we are much more open to discussing our problems rather than denying them or hiding from them as seems to be the norm here in India. We have long since learned that facing problems and admitting them is the fastest way to resolution. I've noticed in the last year the Indian media is also realizing this and people are taking notice and that now more demands for a better life are coming from the citizens of India. They now realize ignoring a problem will never make it go away.

    And even if that wasn't the case, it's still my blog and I'm free to write about whatever topic I want. I urge you to go back and read a few other posts of mine. You will see very few are complaints about my family. Despite Uncle jerks ridiculous behavior I married into a very good family. The city on the other hand, yes 99% of my posts are negative when it comes to this city. And all of the residents here I have met agree that this place is filthy and they always say the negative comments to me long before I bring any of this up. I'm not going to lie and talk about how beautiful this place is when it's own residents treat it like a trash dumpster and would not agree with me.

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  11. You really should read your newspapers. Divorce rates or rising in India and declining in the west. Indian women are standing up for themselves and refusing to put up with the archaic treatment they are expected to endure. Just because your court system makes it a daunting process to divorce when both parties don't agree (because I know divorcees here that are Indian who got quick divorces when they did agree) doesn't mean divorce doesn't happen here. And staying with someone out of fear or for some delusion of duty doesn't make it a smart or wise decision.

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  12. Aw Mohit has a chip on his shoulder. 

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  13. interesting write....i know the nuances of surviving (yeah Surviving) in a joint family...and not be able to buy something you want so badly,because you alone can't ....

    i call it  saas-bahu soap throughout the day.....good one...thank you for sharing

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  14. Lol, I love the "saas-bahu soap" idea. Thankfully 99% of my interactions with MIL are great. If it wasn't for that I don't think I would survive here. I do notice there is a lot of surviving that needs to be done and everyone seems to be stuck in survival mode. My survival skills just aren't as fine tuned since I never lived in this kind of environment before. I'll get the hang of it eventually I think. Glad you liked the post!

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  15. hmm PI name suits you totally ... looking forward to the dirty laundry LOL ...

    Jerko manages to surprise me again and again ... he is a real gem ha ha ha ha 

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  16. and why should divorces be considered bad "a priori" ?

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  17. Lol, yeah I have tons of stories. One I doesn't think warrants a whole blog post is how that jackass sit in his room, literally 20 feet from the phone while it was ringing and he couldn't bother to get up and answer it so he let it ring. MIL had to come down 2 flights of stairs to go answer it because no kids were home to send and he just kept sitting in his bed. He's such a freaking loser.

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  18. Mohit I think you haven't seen the world outside your house and most probably still live with your parents ... Divorce is over criticised in India so that order obeying Indian Wives do not leave their Lazy Husbands who have nothing else to do but to run them around the house all day serving them food 24-7. Grow up .... Not everyone who gets divorce is unhappy. In many cases its a mutual choice... but I tell you that Indian Women who stays in a relationship where they are not happy are better of getting divorced. ... But wait P***ks like you badmouth Women who get divorced because you are still a baby who has your mother look after you all day and after you get married you expect your wife to look after you for the rest of your life.... Grow the f*** up.....

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  19. Mohit I think you haven't seen the world outside your house and most probably still live with your parents ... Divorce is over criticised in India so that order obeying Indian Wives do not leave their Lazy Husbands who have nothing else to do but to run them around the house all day serving them food 24-7. Grow up .... Not everyone who gets divorce is unhappy. In many cases its a mutual choice... but I tell you that Indian Women who stays in a relationship where they are not happy are better of getting divorced. ... But wait P***ks like you badmouth Women who get divorced because you are still a baby who has your mother look after you all day and after you get married you expect your wife to look after you for the rest of your life.... Grow the f*** up.....

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  20. Mohit I think you haven't seen the world outside your house and most
    probably still live with your parents ... Divorce is over criticised in
    India so that order obeying Indian Wives do not leave their Lazy
    Husbands who have nothing else to do but to run them around the house
    all day serving them food 24-7. Grow up .... Not everyone who gets
    divorce is unhappy. In many cases its a mutual choice... but I tell you
    that Indian Women who stays in a relationship where they are not happy
    are better of getting divorced. ... But wait P***ks like you badmouth
    Women who get divorced because you are still a baby who has your mother
    look after you all day and after you get married you expect your wife to
    look after you for the rest of your life.... Grow the f*** up.....

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