Friday, December 30, 2011

Random Things from My Day and an Update on Ms. McLoving

I saw the doctor again a few days ago. It's interesting to me because this is the same doctor where Ms. McLoving works and even though it has been just over a month since I saw the doctor and this place is a specialized treatment facility no one remembered who I was. I can't help but wonder how many white women they see who are married to an Indian man. After all, we are all supposed to be like family since I'm going to be receiving treatment there for an extended period of time. It's just sad because after we got checked in by the nurses, the doctor had them re-verify because he didn't believe I was actually a patient there. Guess that blows the Ms. Mcloving theory out of the water.

The doctor started me on a new series of 6 different medications to be taken at 5 different times throughout the day. I did notice on the second day of taking them that I had a lot more energy and my mood is significantly improved. This is both good and bad news. It's good obviously because I feel better. It's bad because that means I have a better idea of what was making me so irritable in the first place and if I'm right that means all the infections I've caught have now done permanent damage to my overall health. That's the exact opposite of my intentions for coming here. Until now I had remained optimistic that even though I had caught all those infections that eventually I would wind up a healthier person. Now I'm not so sure. We will see how this works out because I'm only supposed to be on these new medications for a few weeks.

This morning I went down to shower as usual only thinking since it was only 34F/1C that I was going to crank up the heat on the shower and try to keep warm while I was down there so it could be a nice start to my day. Little did I know the gas would run out less than 3 minutes into my shower. So then I had to yell for hubby who had to change the cylinder. All the while I'm standing on the ground floor (the coldest floor of the house) in literally freezing temperatures with no water running (I think even cold water would have helped keep my blood flowing). By the time the cylinder got changed I couldn't feel my toes or my arms any longer and I had gotten so cold I was no longer even shivering. (I had covered up with the only thing I could - my towel - but that wasn't nearly enough in these temperatures.) It took me a while covered up after my shower to get the feeling back completely in my arms. The water didn't even get hot after putting on a full cylinder so I guess either the water ball water was too cold or something is wrong with the new geyser. Either way, it was not a fun start to my day.

And I didn't even mention that now Uncle ji has put a temple in his room and does some kind of puja or something in there randomly (not every day or any way that can be tracked) and when I went down the steps to the 2nd floor this morning my chest and throat swelled up so bad I couldn't breathe so I had to keep going and sit on the ground floor until it was my turn to shower. I've made complaints about this before but for some reason no one in the house seems to notice the overpowering incense smell but me. I'm not allergic to incense normally and have even burned it myself in the past so I have no idea what he is burning in his room that is causing this but no one else seems to care either. I've even went directly to them and said something but still this continues.

I'm working on my way out of this country. I do not have family I can go stay with for very long so in order to leave here I have to find work, save money and get a place to stay in the US. Work here has been slow for me so this is proving quite a challenge but I'm not giving up because I'm sure I will die if I stay here. If the infections don't kill me the massive allergy attacks I've been having without adequate medical treatment just may. Either way I'm not sticking around any longer than I have to because I don't want my life to end that way and especially not here. Hubby is actively applying for jobs as well because it only takes one of us working to be able to get a place to live. Depending on how long this process takes I'm at least going home for a long visit soon.

As usual, I will still be writing and I have no intention of sugar coating anything for anyone or to make anyone feel better, etc. Regardless of whether or not these things happen all over the world, or only in India it's my story and my whole intention of starting this blog was to share my story. It may be hard for some to digest all the things that I share here but you can imagine how hard it is to live these things. There is so much I don't write about here because I find it humiliating to live them much less to have anyone else know it's happening. I go out of my way to hide some of these same things from the house members as well because it is so humiliating to me. I was not raised with the mentality to just deal with these things and move on but I am doing my best. They are mentally torturous to me to have to continually deal with and yes that has affected my ability to find peace here. The fact that they continue happening over and over again and I can't get a resolution or make them stop only weakens me further.

Still anyone that reads this blog should understand it is a personal blog. These are my thoughts and my opinions based on my own upbringing and life. There are other men and women who share some of my opinions and have had the same thoughts just as there are some people who do not agree with everything I write here. This doesn't make anyone wrong or right, it makes us different. God made each one of us different for a reason and to think that any two people could go through life being exactly the same with the same thoughts and feelings is unrealistic.


  1. What you're going through sounds really difficult, but it also sounds like you have a good plan for getting the care you need. In the last about 5 months that I've been in Nepal I've considered what it would be like to live here permanently, but I've realized that my health problems (namely asthma) make settling in Nepal impossible. Even though there are some fantastic doctors in Nepal, I don't think that the overall healthcare is good as it is in the US, and I imagine it might be the same case in India. 

  2. You're right, while there are some good doctors here, the medicines and health system are not taking care of all that plagues me. It doesn't seem to matter how many doctors I see, none of them seem concerned about my prior history which is extremely relevant to what's going on now (with the exception of the current doctor I'm seeing...he's the first to take it serious). It's definitely not the place for me to settle permanently.