Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Side Show Circus Freak

That's what I've begun to call myself from time to time. It sounds harsh but I swear the insult and angry tone when I say it are meant more for those around me. Let me explain. :D

I've mentioned a time or two about how I'm rarely included in things the family does. Now, I'm not entirely sure if this is normal (which I don't think it is), if it's because I'm white and that makes it more difficult to take me along or if it's simply because they think I won't be interested. Either way, American courtesy would be to invite me anyway and let the cards fall where they may. I don't get asked to go along to weddings, MIL and Chachi rarely ask me to go out into the bazaar (stores in the neighborhood) with them and neither hubby or myself are invited to go along when MIL and FIL go places (which is really rare). Hubby is happy this way because he hates going to visit relatives and such and he panics a little if I'm out in the bazaar without him.

He thinks I can't communicate well enough or some guy may try to flirt with me. (I totally use that one against him should see how he gets in the mall when he lets me shop by myself. It's an insecurity issue and I know it's mean to tease him but it's just too much fun to pass up. >:D) If he's in the house and not at work he always winds up 10 steps behind and rushing to catch up with us. This kind of behavior could be why MIL and Chachi don't ask me to go or it could also be the fact that the house is never left empty and I'm the only other one here. That doesn't make it bug me any less though.

Now it's different when someone comes into the house. They (the family) will sit with them, serve the tea and snacks and enjoy their time and then right before they leave they insist I come down and say 'Namaste' to everyone so they can meet me. I really do feel like the main attraction at the circus (I say circus because India is crazy like that lol). To say I hate this is an understatement. If I'm not part of the family enough to participate in daily activities and be a part of the whole meeting, I don't want to be the grand finale entertainment.

I am NOT a morning person by any means so Sunday morning, the one day we all are lazy and useless, some relatives came at 9 AM! I wasn't up, I wasn't dressed and not long after they got here MIL was calling huby on his phone wanting us to come down. He told her no we weren't up. A few minutes later MIL and FIL were at our door and we had to let them in. So I faked like I was still asleep, which didn't stop them from coming in and talking loudly about how we had to come downstairs and hubby trying to get out of it. It didn't work. Bleh. I couldn't even talk yet because we slept with the fan on and my throat was too dry and sore.

Being a pain in the a** I combed my hair and put on my sunglasses and went downstairs in my PJs. If they were in such a rush, who was I to keep them waiting by fumbling through my closet after all (hahaha). Hubby was supposed to go with me and when I started down the stairs he stayed at the top. Twice I stopped walking and told him get his butt down there. Chachi laughed at him but he did finally come down. I walked into MIL and FIL's room and was told to sit down and hubby ducked into the kitchen.

The conversation started about how we all adjusted to each others culture and how well I spoke and understood Punjabi. I played along every time I understood to show off like a good MIL would and then I got up for a second and tried to exit. Hubby at this time was nowhere to be found. I was told to sit back down and not leave yet. They were getting ready to leave and FIL wanted me to stay there until they could give me a shagun (that's money that ppl give you when you get married as a blessing). I sat again and kept smiling and nodding. It really only lasted about 10 minutes, then I got to leave.

I got back upstairs and that's where I found hubby. In our room. I was so pissed. He left me hanging out to dry so to speak. I told him not to talk to me the rest of the day because he ditched me like that. Of course he wasn't going to be able to do that and then he started talking way more than normal and tried to blame it on his parents. I'm still pissed he left me down there. He said there was nowhere to sit and he may have been right but he could have stood by the door like FIL (he doesn't get along with his dad that well and avoids him), he could have stayed in the kitchen or he could have went to Uncle ji's room. He's just lucky it was shopping day and I had gift vouchers. Nothing like retail therapy to cheer a girl up!

Am I wrong for thinking he should suffer through the circus with me?


  1. I feel for you!! I hate the phone too and having to take it just so he can get out of talking would upset me too. We must be cute when we're mad or something....otherwise they would stop lol.

  2. Yeah I don't get it either. And MIL and FIL both came up here. Normally it's only MIL but I knew we were in trouble when FIL came too. I was awake but not ready to get up. I faked sleeping but that didn't work either. They had no idea I was up. If these ppl were so important and needed to see me so bad why haven't they visited in the last 10 months. They only live an hour away. Which also means they had come in the night before because they were here 10 minutes and then headed back home. No one takes an hour bus ride for a 10 minute visit. So I'm guessing I was an extra stop off after they visited someone else here the day before. Which makes it even more rude.

  3. I didn't spend enough time in India with my husband's family to have to suffer through anything like this, but he pulls this crap with me on the phone. He'll be talking to someone, and I'll be minding my own business doing something else, when suddenly he shoves the phone to me and tells me to talk to this person so he can bail and go do whatever else he wants to do. Usually it's someone I barely know, and we have trouble understanding each other. I don't like the phone anyway, but having it forced on me like that totally angers me. I do not think at all that you were wrong. He should not leave you to the wolves like that!

  4. Ugh I would be mad at my husband too if he pulled such a trick, but frankly I am more appalled at the fact your in-laws went waking you up just for 10 minutes in front of some relatives...UGH! 9am on a Sunday is a rude time to visit, and it is rude to just pull the whole show and tell circus into gear...sigh

    We we go to my in-laws place we generalyl are up way too early too though, but this year we just said screw it, we are tired of it, we stayed in our room util nearly 10 am everyday, and nothing would make us go down before that :)

  5. Lol, you're right. I was super pissed off. I threw a bottle of water at the bed right beside him when I told him not to talk to me any more. If only I had access to water balloons he would have been nailed!

  6. I don't blame him entirely. I didn't want to go either lol. We both tried to get out of it but couldn't. I just wanted him to stay somewhere close by and not be gone entirely.

  7. How exciting!! I would love a tour of the village! I miss life like that. I really see way too much concrete here lol. It's such a concrete jungle. I miss grass and trees and gardens.

    I guess with the rest of the stuff it's good I don't fully know how wrong it is that they leave me behind. I have said things to Rohit about it and that got me two trips out in the bazaar total. Maybe in some ways it's good because if I know too much they may try to start handing off responsibility to me and I'm not ready for that. I am still somewhat of a novelty to the neighborhood. On Diwali I had neighbors trying to lure me into their homes so they could show me the history and such. Rohit was panicking lol. Is it wrong to secretly enjoy watching him get nervous? hahaha.

  8. Oh my god, I would be SO pissed. If he can get out of it, why can't you? Did he tell you to go? If so, I would be like outer-space pissed. A has to suffer through everything I have to suffer through. I do the same for him (though there's fewer hoops to jump through). 

  9. You are not wrong but if i was Rohit, i would have done the same thing.

    Guys would rather spend an hour apologizing and cheering up their partner than spend 5 awkward minutes with random family members.

  10. I dont think that you're wrong,i think that sometimes you've been treated appallingly (not inviting you to weddings etc), i just cant understand that,it SO rude! Surely you have been in India long enough for the extended family to know that you're no longer a "novelty" and that you are a permanent fixture of the family? I have given you this quote before,but i give it again,to remind you and rohit of how you should be esteemed....."A woman, is the favourite in her parental home, loved dearly by her father and mother. In the home of her in-laws, she is the pillar of the family, the guarantee of its good fortune... Sharing in spiritual wisdom and enlightenment and with noble qualities endowed, a woman, the other half of man, escorts him to the door of liberation." (Varan, V.16). i am coming to Punjab next year,if you are still stuck there i will surely invite you to my village Bhabi Ji

  11. Thank you! Rohit normally goes with me but for some reason he turned chicken this time.

  12. Hey! I do not think you ,in anyway as a wife, are wrong. When I visit my in laws, Saurabh makes it a point to be with me because the relatives can be mean and sarcastic. 

    I am not comfortable with not asking for your opinion either, but that could be the culture thing too. Like, let the elders decide....