Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Trust

For a long time I've had trouble trusting people. This comes from my lifes history, my education and the other knowledge I've gained. I don't believe people are generally good but I do believe there is good in everyone. I just don't trust them to show it or use it like they should.

Living in India has made me more aware of my trust issues and I find it much more difficult to trust people here. Some things are easy to trust, like I know my husband will get things for me if I ask but I don't know how long it will take. I'm starting to trust Indian Standard Timing (IST) or Punjabi timing as I jokingly call it. Meaning I know if I ask for dinner now I will get it in about 2 hours lol.

On the other hand, the language barrier definitely causes me to have some doubts about a lot of things. It's very easy to develop a sense of mistrust when you are in a situation where you do not understand what is going on and you only get bits and pieces of information. Having part of the info you naturally feel like something is missing and that only escalates feelings of mistrust. Since coming here, I've developed some pretty petty trust issues that kind of get on my nerves. But hey, India always has everyone questioning what is going on.

I'm not trying to get used to this. I'm trying to figure out what is going on lol. I have been actively concealing just how much Punjabi I understand. Many times I've learned how wrong I was not to trust lol. It's a good thing. I think I need these reassurances. Maybe I'm wrong on a lot of things but I have always felt that if something seems too good to be true then it very well could be.

What do you guys think....is it really that unusual for an Indian family to be accepting of an outsider, welcome them into their home, treat them like family and genuinely be good to them as my family here is towards me?

I hear and read so many stories of Indian women not accepted by their families, even more of foreign women not being accepted by their Indian family members. It's hard not to wonder if I'm just daydreaming or maybe I'm disillusioned about how accepted I really am here. While I really don't feel like they have any reason not to love/accept me I have difficulty trusting in this fact. There is this underlying fear that I'm going to wake up and it's all been fake.

(Don't get me wrong lol...I know I just posted about Uncle ji being a jerk but those type things I consider normal. Ppl all have issues and different personalities. He's really selfish but he still acts like family towards me as much as an uncle would. Maybe more so than my blood related family. And any other things I've posted about family getting on my nerves is normal too - that's just life. I'm thinking of the much bigger picture right now. No one could be fake for 9 months right? At least not on a daily basis and living in such close circumstances?

I know I'm probably thinking crazy because MIL and I get along so well and she's the only one in this house that I don't seem to have trust issues with.)

8 comments:

  1. They actually show their love for me pretty well. I'm the one having the trust issues. I'm thinking that maybe it's too good to be real. I'm sure I'll adjust it's jut weird to be having these feelings. I also recently learned that this comes as part of the culture shock I've been experiencing.

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  2. I feel bad about my last comment now :(

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  3. I think inside families the fake feelings dont last long. Forget about months, the mask comes off in weeks. So, if they love you and care for you then just trust that they all see you as family in true Indian sense. With how you have described her, I am sure your MIL wont have it easy with you guys moving out. 

    Indian parents are too attached having invested too much in their kids emotionally. Life without grown up kids in the house is unmentionable and kind of tragedy for them. And once they see that your hubby loves you so much, and you are respectful to them and their traditions, they will go out of way to please you. 

    The biggest fear of most middle class Indian parents is of their kids abandoning them for their spouses. So just breathe easy. and keep this family together and close to you, in time of need they will be your biggest strength.

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  4. i am engaged with an indian and since our relationship started most of the stories ive heard are about family not accepting the forieigner so that started causing me some ideas that all that nice and awesome treatment i was getting must have been fake. but now after one year i feel lucky and proud to say that my indian family loves me and accepts me completely and so do i.. so just relax because its most likely also your mil and fil really like you but dont know how to express it to you. you are also lucky to have such a good relationship with your mil, sometimes even in normal marriages from people of similar backgrounds relationships with mil get pretty tense.. so the fact you make it happen with your mil gives you some extra credit...!

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  5. You're right. This is definitely an issue I'm having because of my pre-existing trust issues and the culture shock I'm going through. I had no idea the culture shock would even effect it until I read another post on Authentic Journeys (http://www.authenticjourneys.info/2011/10/why-cant-i-enjoy-life-same-way-after.html) recently.

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  6. I don't think that's generally the case. And 9 months is definitely a very long time for anyone to be fake---unless they've been trained by super spies. 

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  7. Don't. Uncle ji is a jerk lol. He always has been and always will be. I would still love to smack him hahaha. Oh man, if only I had the time and space to write on this blog about all the crap he does out of selfishness. One thing I can't get over is his 12 year old daughter growing her hair out. When it got to her shoulders and started to curl out he didn't like it and forced her to cut it back off (boy short!). She didn't want it cut because she's ready to look and act like a girl. How ridiculous that he did that. Oh, and he cut it himself to make sure he got it the way he wanted it. WTH!

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  8. Thanks for your advice. I'm sure you're right as I know they get worried easily over visas and such. Rohit's brother is abroad and they spend so much time worrying about him.

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