Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Living With Difficult People

I don't understand the reasoning behind some things here so maybe some of my readers can enlighten me. From the very beginning of being here (9 1/2 months now) I have had difficulty sitting on the bed all day long. It's like I live in a corner sitting Indian style and it's taking a toll on my hips and legs and I've lost a significant amount of my muscle strength. I go out and walk on the terrace whenever I can and I take full advantage of every floor of the mall whenever we go there, etc. It's still not enough. As a matter of fact, most of the pain I mention having in these blog posts is in my back, hips and legs from being in this bed way too much.

Just a brief overview, living here in this joint family we have 5 bedrooms and only two chairs! Well, okay 3 because I specifically demanded a desk and chair a while back because I couldn't stand sitting on this bed all day. Even shifting from laying down part of the time and sitting the rest was not enough. (And just a note, it was only about a month after getting that chair that my room got rearranged to make space for the washing machine and now I can't use the desk for typing because there is nowhere to put the chair - the space around it is too small!). I specifically requested a folding chair that I could put away only to be brought home a restaurant style deli chair (just like the one's at Wendy's for those of you have eaten fast food in the US). It was a chair but is horrible to sit in for more than 30 minutes at a time. Still, I could put it up against a wall and lean back with my feet on the bed until the room was rearranged. Now it's more like a decoration than a useful piece of furniture.

Fast forward to more recently. I requested a folding chair (again being specific and thinking it would work) that I could keep on the terrace so that I would always have somewhere to sit. My reasoning was that one of the beds on the terrace is literally half broken and the ropes are broken so badly that I don't think even a mouse would be safe sitting there. The other is so hard I can't take more than 5 minutes on it before I hurt so bad I can't walk. Instead of my own chair I got a spare chair they kept downstairs for guests and I thought that would be okay because of how rarely it was used (I didn't even know it existed it was so rare).

I have sat in that chair every day for the last week since it was put out on the terrace. The weather is nice and it's great to get out of this room more. Every member of the house knew I used the chair. So today I go outside and it's gone. The family is all out for the day except Chachi and Uncle ji. I got a little irritated because I still had work to do and there is no chair and I literally couldn't sit on this bed anymore. So instead I decided to walk on the terrace and listen to some writing related podcasts so I could at least learn some things and not be a total waste. I made it through one 6 minute podcast and niece and nephew come up (niece knew I was walking because I had told her a right before I started) and decide they are going to play badminton.

So essentially I had to leave the terrace. There was nowhere else in the house to go. I don't believe in hanging out in other ppls bedrooms because I was raised not to and especially not to do it if they themselves are not in there. No one was in their room at this time. The kids were out there less than 2 minutes and went back downstairs. It's like they came up just to make me move, and my chair was also taken.

Now, this is petty but, there have been a string of events all week by Uncle ji and his family that have made me feel very unwelcome here. I mentioned one where MIL had to get after them once over the wifi. A second event centers around Uncle ji purchasing a new TV and being determined not to include me in the party. A third event revolves around Uncle ji refusing to purchase fireworks for Diwali this year (he has purchased them every year for the last 15). And this isn't even half of this weeks events alone.

To me it seems Mr. Selfish (Uncle ji) has decided that I'm supposed to be paying his way so he can get as much as possible for free. I haven't been paying for his stuff and I have no intention of it. Yes, I may have set a bad example bringing food to MIL and FIL whenever we went out and making it a point never to purchase cheap junk for them and always remembering birthdays, etc. But surely he can't think that I should be doing the same for him. I'm not made of money and I'm no one's sugar momma. However, I keep feeling like this is what is going on.

He's the laziest individual I know. He never does anything around the house - he always gets FIL or Rohit to do it for him if it's something his wife or kids can't do. He never does anything for anyone. He takes everything he can get for free and this is the only aspect he isn't lazy in. He will go out of his way to get something he thinks is free. Even for the vacation we all took last month he refused to commit to the trip until 2 days ahead of time because he didn't have confirmation from his work that they would reimburse him the money (this was not a business trip, it was entirely for fun).

Am I over reacting in thinking he's over reacting? If you haven't read my entire blog, you may want to check this blog and keep in mind on my first trip to India this same Uncle refused to even acknowledge my presence for the first 6 days of my 10 day trip before you decide.

*And in case you're interested - he always purchased the fireworks at least 2 weeks in advance and they shot off some each night. This time he said multiple times he wasn't buying fireworks and as soon as Rohit purchased them on Sunday night he chimed up how he had planned get them on Tuesday.
*I also stay to myself quite a bit here. I spend a lot of time working during the day so I can promise you I have done nothing to bother Uncle ji or his family members. Even on the wifi issue I rarely disconnect it and then only if I truly can't work at all because they are hogging the bandwidth (we have the highest connection available). So I unhook it maybe once or twice a month.


  1. I won't let him. :D

    It is hard to sit in bed all day but what else you gonna do you know. It's not like running around the stores and shops is fun if you do that too much either and friends/family get busy. I think we both need nice comfy, easy chairs to lounge around in lol.

  2. I don't need his respect, nor do I want it lol. And I don't know that anyone respects him any more than culture says they have to. I for one can guarantee I will never touch his knee or foot.

  3. I know right! I'm supposed to be spoiled...everyone else knows that! Lol. He's just like that. I've noticed in every way possible he gets everyone else to do everything for him. It's gotta be a challenge to sit on your butt like that all day long for so many years. I can barely stand it, of course I don't dominate the TV remote and have someone waiting on me hand and foot either. Maybe those things help lol.

  4. If only I was not sitting in my office, I would be literally ROFLing. BTW, not purchasing fireworks is really beyond the line ! In India, elders do things for DILs etc. So I guess you need to remind uncleji of that Indian culture !

  5. i have been following your blog for quite some time aand this uncle ji seems to be the manesar(swades) types.cheap guy.if they cant earn their respect, DONT BOTHER

  6. darn! the uncles and indian men can be bad. i am sitting indian style all day long on the bed too. i think its an indian thing :( which is not a good thing!! i hate myself so much for not stepping out of my house. :|

    i do not burst crackers :D green diwali...

    happy diwali and do not let the selfish uncle ruin your festive season...

  7. Yeah, I got my chair back lol. Rohit took it back as soon as he got home.

    As for the fireworks, the jerk says he was going to buy them but I know better. He only said that after we bought them. I just can't help but think he's using his tactics to get us to purchase a lot. Every time we go to the local mall he wants us to bring him dinner back now and if we go out at all, he's calling to find out where we are and ask for dinner. He's really a loser. What kind of adult begs a kid (which is what they still consider Rohit) to pay his way through life? Uncle ji does!

  8. I hear you on this sitting on beds all day thing, we are at my in-laws place for Diwali now, and I am counting the days until we leave (2 days left) fortunately though we have sofas int he living room, but then there is the never really going out anywhere thing, so you wake up in the morning only to sit all day and go back to sleep at night. 

    As for your terrace chair, demand it back, they had no right to take it away. And if uncleji said he doesn't want to buy crackers, then go by his words, but sadly I know how it is you will always have somebody else cracking and go buy them because it's diwali and diwali without crackers isn't diwali...sigh! What a cheap guy he seems to be. 

  9. Oh, and no there's no coffee shops here. Only internet cafe's for men and men's lounges. I haven't seen a single sign anywhere for free wifi in this city. That's why I value my folding chair on the terrace so much. Lol....seems kind of sad doesn't it? (I swear I don't need pity though. It's relaxing out there just enjoying the breeze.)

  10. Yeah, I wouldn't want to be Uncle ji either. Imagine how much trouble it must be to constantly be on the lookout for free opportunities and to have to know no one likes you because you're a lazy, freeloading jerk. I really can't stand ppl like that though. I never could lol. Thankfully, you're right and even though we live in the same house I don't have to see or interact with him very much. Otherwise I may have been kicked out of here long ago lol.

  11. That sounds really hard! I don't think you're exaggerating over literally losing muscle strength either - I used to rent a room in a house with no chair and whenever I was walking down stairs my legs felt weaker throughout that whole period! Are you able to go and chill in a coffee shop or whatever with your laptop (if it's a laptop you have) or a paper? I read your last blog and that Uncle sounds so out of order, but you shouldn't let it upset you. At the end of the day, his nastiness affects you at the moment he does it - but he has to live with himself forever. I'd much rather be on the recieving end than actually be a person like that!