Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Getting Out of the Arranged Marriage Business

After spending months reviewing profiles and looking for a decent, compatible woman online I have decided to withdraw my services from helping the family find a wife for BIL. There are not a lot of good quality candidates available to begin with, even less in Australia and even less equally attracted to BIL lol. While I admire the gumption to go online and admit to your flaws and be honest about what you are doing with your life, there were just too many profiles that screamed all the wrong things.

A lot of girls, which surprised me, had set goals for husbands that were way outside of my expectations. I can understand wanting to marry a man who makes good money. No one sets out looking for a poor stranger to marry. However, when you're asking for someone to get you citizenship to a country that has laws against it you're barking up the wrong tree. It makes me think either the parent setting up the profile or the girl herself either isn't in Australia or doesn't understand the laws that are currently in place there. They are going to cause their children to lose their visas all together and be sent home if they are not careful.

A lot of these girls don't even read the profiles which just seems backwards to me. If you are looking for specifics in a partner, shouldn't you at least check to see if they meet those specifics? I had girls express interest or accept interest who were in no way, shape or form compatible. A few were visa chasers - meaning they only wanted a visa and they didn't seem to care who got it for them. I won't say they can't make good wives, but when you're claiming on your profile to be a devout Sikh and you are interested in Sikhs from any country then you express interest in a Hindu you just can't expect me to take you seriously.

Another main reason for getting out....I've come to the conclusion that since I've never met BIL in person, he rarely speaks to me on the phone when he calls or communicates with me in any other way and I can't get definitive answers from his family (who also don't seem to know the answers) that I am the least qualified to help with this search. I don't have the time or energy to make up stuff or answer questions for girls that the family doesn't know how to answer. Some of the girls don't even respond to their messages anyway so it's not such a huge deal.

I don't have time for this. I have a lot on my plate. I rarely check the profile pages and I lack the motivation to do so. So I definitely think it's time to remove myself. I'm not really helping anymore, now it's become more like putting on a show and I'm not about faking things like that. So I deleted the profiles this morning. I told hubby a few days ago and he agrees this is too much work trying to orchestrate between two countries and even he doesn't know what or how to go about it. So that's it for me, I've withdrawn my support of this particular marriage arrangement. One less thing on my plate these days.


  1. arranged marriage is kind of scary to me...but all the matrimonial ads are good fun to read :)

  2. good decision indeed! i am against arrange marriages. it's a waste of life. :| my BIL married a girl he never met, and she perhaps married him because she wanted to settle in USA. would you believe her parents never even cared to ask his salary :| but to be fair, he is a phd...so perhapns they assumed things should be good with him...but then he wanted rich, fair and street smart girl...he didn't what he wanted :)

  3. Oh absolutely! I did get a laugh out of a few of them. Some girls are really sure of themselves these days. They really should have a friend read it before they save the profile lol. The newspaper ads get me too. The way they try to squeeze in words without going over the limit. I mean really...you're going to spend a fortune on a big wedding and you can't shell out a few extra rupees for a newspaper ad to make sure the man is worth your time? Lol.

  4. Hehe...well I know nice girls in Australia whose parents are writing their date-website profiles...except they're Aussie not Indian!! A lot of my friends have recently retired dads who suddenly have all this time and are anxious about their 30-something daughters not finding Mr Right, and are emailing them profile suggestions for RSVP (the biggest Australian dating website)!  I also think arranged marriage is more about match-making...and that doesn't just happen in India, it pretty universal :)