Monday, August 1, 2011

It Doesn't Happen only in India: The Harsh Reality of Intercultural Relationships

Today I'm happy to post I'm no longer the only one in my family dating an Indian. That makes me a trendsetter lol. However, the story I'm about to tell you is not so happy like mine. Maybe it's not right for me to put my cousin's personal business out her (even if it is fairly anonymous) but I think the world needs to know there are two sides to every type of story. So many girls I know in relationships like mine have horror stories to tell about how their Indian MIL's don't respect or appreciate them and treat them differently because they are not India. I don't know of one single couple where the white girls family has rejected the relationship...until now.

My cousin was forced into a marriage by her parents when she was fairly young. At that point in their lives, her parents were heavy bible thumpers advocating for the church and everyone thought of them as being overly religious. We didn't know they were forcing their daughter into a marriage until this month (and the marriage took place over 20 years ago). Now, just a reminder - these are American born parents. My uncle is of some foreign descent, he was adopted and we don't know for sure but he's really brown and hairy (I don't think he's Indian though). My aunt is Italian.

The man they forced her to marry was a doctor and he was so good to her. He was funny and liked to spoil her. The marriage didn't last long though and she left him, to this day we don't know why but now I'm getting an idea. Keep reading. A year or two after this marriage my cousin managed to land this super rich car dealership owner. He and his family owned over 30 car dealerships and as a wedding present her bought her a 7 bathroom house! They even had a water slide and their own horse stables and it was a in a prestigious location overlooking the mountains.

Life seemed good for them, they went on to have 3 children and he bought her a bigger house because the other one wasn't enough for them by the time the 3rd came along. Unfortunately the husband developed a serious drinking problem and ran off with another woman and left her just over a year ago. They were married for 16 years. Turns out her parents were getting free cars from him, he was paying for all their vacations and bills. Paying for their son's bills and so much more. Her parents were bleeding him dry. (My cousin is NOT like that at all.)

Well, my cousin recently started seeing a new man. She didn't tell anyone until she invited him to a birthday celebration she had for one of the kids. At the time my cousin was living in her parents home, which they didn't live in (they own several homes) while her house was being renovated. When she introduced this man as being her date her parents immediately threw her out of the house, took her stuff and destroyed it and have now completely disowned her. Why? Because he's Indian. Or maybe I'm wrong and it's because they didn't pick him. Hell, he might no be rich enough.

Anyway, now they have threatened to take her children away from her. Leave her threatening messages about how she's ruining their lives. Even if she is able to ignore them I can't imagine the damage it would do to hear those things from a parent. Parents who themselves are not white Americans. And all of this after her 16 years of supporting them. Now you want to hear the real kicker? Her brother also disowned her. Her brother and her dad are both Baptist preachers!

I've already let her know I'm here for her and can help her emotionally at the very least. She stood up to her parents thankfully and has not stopped seeing this man. I have yet to meet him so I won't comment on what type of person he is but, since I know her and how she is I'm certain he is very sweet and treats her the way a man should. It's just awful that things happened to her this way.

18 comments:

  1. Ahhhh!!! finally. I could not find your blog, as your profile is not visible on blogger. Now I have joined your blog :D and I shall read this post <3

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  2. damn! money breaks more than it makes! hope and wish the best for her <3

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  3. Sorry hun! I fixed it. I don't remember making it private but it sure was. I opened it back up, but you can still join...I really like the numbers. ;)

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  4. This is sad. I'm glad she's got you to back her and that she is standing up to her parents. It's amazing she found someone to love her each time life took a turn for the bad. God has a plan, eh?

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  5. He must! I was just shocked to find out all these things going on in my own family. I might would have known sooner had I not completely cut ties with her parents back in November. Maybe that's why she feels safe telling me now.

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  6. Was the family leeching a reason why the rich car dealer left in the first place?

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  7. Such an eye opener. These 'vultures' (pardon my language) are across boundaries and cultures, feeding off, everytime they get a chance.

    Very interesting blog
    wishes
    Scribblers Inc.

    P.S.-needless to say, I am an indian! :)

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  8. Rindo - it's possible. That was a lot of leeching. It's like he had to pay all the bills for her whole family and her family was not poor. They all make really good money, just not as much as he did.

    Scribbler - yes, they are everywhere. I try to make it a point in my blog to promote that Indians overall are no different than anyone else. The culture is different, but not the ppl. There are jerks in every society/country and there are really wonderful ppl in every society/country. We can't blame anything on someone's nationality.

    Thanks for your comments!

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  9. Hi, first time on your blog. I was really surprised that parents can force someone into marriage in a developed country like yours and besides, how can they threaten to take the children away from her? Doesn't the father have a say in it too? Sad... if this is true!

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  10. Meera - They force the same way Indian parents do, through threats and manipulations. She was young and always did what she was told back then. I'm sure everything she went through was because her parents taught her to believe she had to.

    In the US it's really easy to turn the court systems against a parent and have investigations done as well. While they may not be able to just take them from her they can sure make her life a pure hell going through the horrors of being investigated by child protective services. It only takes a small lie and the courts will step in and take the children out of the home until the investigation is done. In her case they may send the kids to live with the father or other relatives if those relatives can get approval from the state to take them. It's a scary reality but it does happen.

    It is a very sad situation.

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  11. What a sad and shocking story. Really hope things don't get too hairy with child protection...She sounds like a very strong woman!

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  12. Interesting, I can totally understand after having lived in the US, the crux of the matter is that you have to stand up for yourself otherwise the world will treat you like a door mat.

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  13. Me too taswin! It's a nightmare even if you're not doing anything wrong.

    Vikram - so true. It just pains me when I see Indian women not stand up for themselves. I know there are some that do but I see too many times the girls around here don't. I can understand sometimes when it's not worth the argument, but there are too many times that it is and the girl does nothing. I see it in their jobs, their homes, their neighborhoods and it's just sad. I wish I could teach them all karate so they could do some butt kicking when they needed to lol.

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  14. human beings are same everywhere...sad...at least you are there...:)

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  15. True SUB. It's nice to see that (even though this time it was bad) ppl really are the same throughout the world. I feel like it helps increase my understanding of other people and helps me focus more on learning cultural differences.

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  16. Gripping tale. Command over words really astonishing.
    Life serves it's twists and turns. With patience one should tackle them.
    Very engrossing writeup, cheers

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