Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Allure of the Indian Man

I do a lot of thinking here in my room lol. I don't get out much, I know, but that's because there is nowhere I want to go. After work during the day I have a lot of free time on my hands and TV just isn't that interesting to me. Well..unless there's a cooking show on and then I can't be torn away. But that's another blog entirely.

Being in a new circle of inter-culturally involved women and men has opened my eyes to a whole new perspective of many things. I read their thoughts and ideas and it helps me to think about my own life. Just in case you haven't read back that far in my blog, when I met hubby I had sworn off all relationships entirely. I truly wanted to be single for the rest of my life because I had absolutely no use left for men based on my exposure to the ones around me and I'm not a lesbian. Women just don't attract me like that lol.

I think I know now why Indian men are becoming a hotter commodity on the dating scene world wide. Here's my take...and please remember this is based solely on my own limited experience with the subject and my own views from what I see going on in these relationships. And for the purpose of everything below:
I = Indian Man and W = Western Man.

Yes, there is a level of exotic that comes from them being from a different culture. It's new, it's different but, obviously this does not make two ppl stay together as the newness does wear off.

Attitude towards Women
Consider this situation: A housewife has been home all day cleaning and living. There is nothing special about the day. Her husband, who has been out working all day, comes home and enters the house. The first thing he notices is the smell of food cooking. This is how the interaction goes:
Woman: "Welcome home sweetheart, how was your day?"
W = It was okay, what's for dinner?
I = Wow, you're looking beautiful today.
Notice the Indian man doesn't ask about dinner. This could be good or bad depending on how you look at it. He smells dinner so he knows she's cooking and whether he expects it or not, he doesn't ask. He's confident he will be fed and isn't nearly as picky or as concerned as the western man. The western man thinks more about his stomach.

Scenario: Any holiday season and the couple are married.
I- Heads for the jewelry store and looks only at the best quality gold he can afford. Price isn't discussed first and the jewelry counters aren't labeled with prices. He shops based on what he thinks is going to look beautiful on his wife. He may or may not consider what she likes lol. If he doesn't head to the jewelry store he purchases a new suit for his wife.
W-Heads to the jewelry store, looks through the whole store at all the prices and purchases something fairly inexpensive. Most likely 10karat gold since that is what the American standard has become from men being cheaper and cheaper about their gifts. If the jewelry store is too expensive (whether his budget could afford it or not) he leaves and settles for flowers and chocolate. The standard gift from American men. Women love it, but let's face it...it's not gold, has no real future value. She can't keep it forever and be reminded of how much he cared on the occasion.

Scenario: The couple just got in an argument. Both were fussing and it doesn't matter over what. One or both may have said things they didn't mean. Both are upset and angry. The girl begins to cry.
I- Can't stand to see his woman cry. Goes out of his way to make her happy and cheer her up. Says he's sorry, she says she's sorry. The two work it out and all the bad feelings go away.
W- Walks off and goes somewhere else to cool off. He'll deal with it later when she calms down. He's not going to be the first to apologize because she was wrong too. Maybe he'll go out with his friends and come home really late. Animosity builds and by the time he gets home neither wants to talk to each other. They may or may not work it out later or may just move on, leaving the argument unresolved.

Who Wears the Pants?
Now...this is only based on recent experiences before leaving America. It was a growing trend at the time and I can't be certain it still is as I am not there. However, the instance of women working and men staying home, most of them freeloading and just wasting their lives, was becoming widespread. The men weren't trying that hard to find a job and the women had all the financial burden. Somehow, in most situations she still did most of the cooking and the cleaning and took care of the budget. For all intensive purposes the W was the most useless piece of trash I've ever seen. They didn't seem to care who knew and even bragged sometimes to their friends about it.
I don't see this in Indian culture. I think men here had rather hang themselves than live off their wives pay and have all their friends find out. And heaven forbid if their families thought they were going to try to pull something like this. It's okay if your wife is working but you better have a job as well. Otherwise they are going to drive you nuts handing over every job offer they can. And in my experience I have yet to meet an Indian man who didn't think it was his duty to do some kind of work in life.

Work Ethics
W- "Work smarter, not harder." That's a prevalent phase in America meaning if you can find an easy way around the work, do it. If it costs you more money but saves you time and effort, then spend the money.
I- Hard work is a necessity of life. Life in general is so much harder here and they don't avoid hard work or waste money on gadgets to make their life too easy. A job well done is still rewarded, no matter how you got there.

Now this is just a small sampling of what I see is alluring about the Indian man. Is there anything else you can add? Am I wrong? I would love to hear your thoughts, especially if you're an Indian woman who has ever been involved or known a western man and how they acted in their relationships.


  1. good to hear praises about indian men for a change :D

  2. I agree with most of the bits here :D

  3. Lol! I totally agreed with all of this! I've dated a few W boys and two I boys (one of whom became my husband) and all of this was so, so, true! I love that Indian men love to be in love, love to be in a relationship, and put family first, always! I am so glad to be married to an Indian! :)

  4. maniac.hunter - they definitely deserve it

    Chintan - :D

    dgd - absolutely...Indian men have so much better values when it comes to relationships.

  5. i agree with this! its not to say that indian men are perfect husbands or boyfriends but i think that what you wrote are definetively in my case some of his virtues. 

  6. Thanks for your comment air! No one is perfect, but it is nice to have some romantic qualities and some extra thoughtfulness western men don't tend to provide.