Tuesday, May 31, 2011

So You Think You Know What Love Is?

Well, even if you think you know, you're wrong. You're also right though. Confused? It's okay lol, that's what India does to you. You're not likely to be wrong in what you think love is, but have you thought about what it means to someone else? It may be something completely different. That makes you wrong in their eyes even though you're right in yours.

I recently read this post and it really put some things in perspective for me that I hadn't thought of before.

I do a lot of things for hubby and he does a lot for me. I had never thought of them in the perspective of love. He tells me a lot of times he has to do things and it's his responsibility. I always just thought it was cute. We loved each other before we go married, we both agree to that.

However, since he's Punjabi and was raised in a different culture he always expected that after marriage his wife would cook for him, put away his laundry, etc. I was raised that the woman also does all this stuff but she does it because she's the one who is home the most (typically), and because she is the master of the home front. I don't equate these things to love at all. I wouldn't do them for just anyone. I would only do them for the people I love. Hopefully you get what I'm saying, they have nothing to do with love for me. I do them because I'm an organized master of my space and I like things to be put in their place..blah blah blah.

It was eye opening to read that blog because I don't think I had equated hubby's running out for ice cream or painkillers as his way of showing love. I know he spoils me but I had always thought of love as being shown in the time we spent together. In my mind you show your love by wanting to be with me, spending time doing mundane or fun things. Love is shown by talking to each other, and actually wanting each other in your lives.

Now that's just a brief description for both of our views on love but I think you guys get the idea. Neither of us is wrong in what we feel love is, we just weren't looking at the situation through the same glass. We were doing all the right things, but not appreciating them for what the other saw them as. This isn't something we ever argued over and I doubt it would have come to that. However, to fully understand each others culture, I think we needed to understand these finer details.

This also helped me understand my relationship with my in-laws a little better. I've mentioned feeling like a sniveling brat before and I've also mentioned all the gifts they get for me. I didn't understand those things before. Each time they do something like that for me, they are showing me their love and acceptance of me. It's not common place or mundane for them to bring home fruits and veggies for me when I didn't ask. It's an expression of the love they feel towards me.

Now that you've had a chance to think about it, does that blog and looking at love from a different perspective help you understand your relationship with your in-laws?

Does it give you hope for your relationship with your future in-laws?

How about your husband? Does it help you better understand why he makes/made some of the choices he has made in regards to his family?

I look forward to your input and I sincerely hope that you too have a chance to look at love through a different perspective.


  1. I love your post, it helps me to put everything in perspective.

    Well, in my husband's family, which is quite conservative, love through service is very important. This is difficult for an outsider to understand as it looks like they have difficulty to express their emotions. However, they just do it on another way.

  2. Absolutely! And I'm so thankful you shared your thoughts in that post. It really helped me out a lot. Through you, I now have a new perspective that can help make my marriage better too.