Sunday, May 8, 2011

Meltdown...

I'm having a little meltdown today. They happen from time to time from the frustration of adjusting to a whole new world. I really was trying to keep my mouth shut because I'm intelligent enough to know that sometimes my feelings are far from the truth and more a result of the stress I'm feeling.

This mornings meltdown happened over a building frustration with needing and wanting things I just can't seem to get or figure out here. I'm really tired of feeling like I'm 3 years old and even though I know things are getting better and are much better now than they were when I got here, I'm still frustrated. I'm still having trouble with what to cook and eat because I don't have a fully stocked kitchen ready for my every whim. One thing that bugs me is that fruits and vegetables aren't available here year round like I'm used to in the US. Mostly veggies, but some fruits I miss too.

I don't know how to cook the veggies that are in abundance here now and some of them I know are gross and I just don't eat. Others hubby doesn't want and I'm too stubborn to cook for myself when he's home. I really want some company when I eat since I already eat lunch alone on a daily basis. I enjoy his company and just can't force myself to be hungry enough to eat without it if he's in the house...and most of the time he's in the room.

I don't know where to get the things I need and I've asked family to mail me things on several occasions. Hubby doesn't know where to take me either because these are things he never had to think of before. Some of the things his entire family never even had to think of so they don't know either but they do their best to help.

I guess what I'm saying is my American independence is rearing it's ugly head and kicking me in the butt because I'm not nearly as mobile and social here. It's not that I don't want to be but I'm limited by my lack of language skills, my fear of getting lost in a city this bustling and busy and my need to not be alone while I navigate it. I feel like I'm totally at hubby's mercy, which for the most part I am, and I feel like I'm an immense burden to him which really bothers me.

He's mostly good about it but the poor soul is tired and has even started joking he has 2 jobs, one is me. I can't help that. I would gratefully change things if I could. In the end I'm still limited by my own frustrations, legal restrictions, and this stupid language gap. Ugh! I think the worst part of this meltdown is knowing there is NOTHING wrong with me. I have everything I need (except local English speaking friends) and I'm spoiled rotten for the most part. I hate days like this....days where my mind, reasoning and my emotions are battling it out. I will be glad when this adjustment phase is over.

With that note, I leave you all with a recently shared link by my friend Lorena that I think helps a lot with understanding what a girl goes through when moving to a new culture.

Expat Exchange: Culture Shock: It's the Little Things That Count in the Biggest Ways by Desi Downey

2 comments:

  1. I know how you are feeling!!

    I've been India for 2 years now, and I still have those days. The adjustment period never really goes away, or...maybe it just takes longer than 2 years...I still miss a lot of the foods from home, but I've also adapted. I, also, don't know how to cook Indian food, however we live with my husband's parents (for now...) which means I don't really have a choice about what I eat, which sucks...

    but...it *WILL* get better... :-)

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  2. Well that's good to hear lol. I'm living a joint family too and I love to cook all kinds of international foods. However I can't seem to find some of the stuff I need to cook it and I think I got a little too used to having canned goods available. Here everything is done the long and fresh way. The flavor is amazing but standing in a hot kitchen for 2-3 hours or working on one meal literally all day is just not my thing. At least not yet! Lol...

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