Friday, April 15, 2011

How Old Am I Really?

Well, let's just see. My birth certificate says one thing, my husband told his parents another, and my current demeanor would be a far contrast to both. (Now, just FYI - age doesn't seem to be of importance in this family and some of them don't even know their birth year so my hubby wasn't out and out lying to them.)

India is really testing me and pushing more buttons than I have to be pushed. I've only been here 3 months exactly today. I haven't lost my excitement for this new life but I've lost my patience for learning how to live it, at least momentarily. In the beginning I tried to listen to my hubby and his family when they said eat this, do that, etc (well, within reason...I'm still a lil stubborn). Most of the time it worked and I learned some amazing tricks.

I can only recall four or five days that I have not had some form of sickness while being here this trip. I started off sick from picking up something on the plane. It took a while to recover because my body was in shock from the difference in the eating habits. This was partially done to me by me so I can't fuss too much. I love fruits and veggies and when I got here that's all I wanted to eat. I was whole-heartedly enjoying the wonderful, fresh goodies that were brought in each day. I just had no idea the crashing spiral it would take me down.

At first things were fine and I got over whatever I picked up on the plane. Trying to adjust to a much harder bed than I was used to and learning new ways to keep myself warm only masked what was happening to me on the inside. My body ached, I was tired a lot. Still I chalked it up to adjusting to the new lifestyle and I wasn't completely wrong.

I love to cook so every day I made myself lunch. The rest of the family didn't care for the foods I loved so I cooked and ate alone. Fresh couscous, pasta dishes, salads. I ate a lot of food, more than I was used to. I just loved all the fresh variety and non-rotten food that had been frozen by Wal-Mart before being put out for sale. By my second month here I had lost 13KG's or about 27 pounds. That was a big bonus.

Of course, even though I was eating what I thought was enough I woke up every morning sick to my stomach and had several bouts with nausea during each day, especially whenever I went too long without eating. I was honestly starting to think I was pregnant because it mimicked morning sickness. I made a habit of eating a piece of fruit before I ever got out of bed in the morning and that helped but it still seemed as if my body wasn't getting enough.

Now as I embark upon another month I know for sure my body is stuck in starvation mode. I rarely get hungry anymore and when I do I can't eat much without my stomach hurting. (I am still eating...there's no way to skip a meal when you live in a joint Punjabi household because everyone will beg you to eat until you do.) My hormones are completely out of whack. I feel like a freaking child right now. I don't eat unless my hubby comes and pushes me to and I don't even think of it if someone doesn't make me.

To top that off after being sick so much I've developed a stubborn streak. I refuse to eat anything Indian and I can't seem to get off my lazy butt to make anything American either. I keep daydreaming of foods I know can't be found here. I just feel like I need a break from the constant adjustments before my circuits overload. I thought vacation would get me that since I booked all nice motels with AC and hot water showers. Those were nice but then eating at the roadside dhabas had to go and sabotage my time off. All they serve is Indian food and it's extremely difficult to find anything on the menu that isn't completely Indian.

I've taken to telling my hubby "I twee" which is the baby babble version of I'm 3...which of course I am, if you drop the first digit of my real age. I guess there is one good thing to being this sick, the morning sickness has subsided for now. It was odd how that went away the very first night we spent in a hotel.

I guess for now I'm just trying to remain twee until I can break out of this homesick slump I'm stuck in. I still don't regret the decision to come to live in India. Overall I know it's been good for me in so many ways and I know I will continue to grow as a person by overcoming this. My determination won't let me give up. I just feel like right now I don't want to be bothered with any of it. Tomorrow will be better - I know because the meds are working. ;)


  1. Hi White Bhabi, did you check with a doctor if you're pregnant? That really can be a possibility. I guess adjusting with a whole new environment can really be tought. The smell (Indian smell is my very first challenge), the food (there's some Indian food that I love but a table with only indian foods will scare a whole lot of me), plus of course the lifestyle.

    I hope you get better soon. How long are you staying there anyway?

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  2. I relate to this sooo much, I wrote you such a long comment on my iphone, on the commute home that didn't make it to posting!!

    I hope you guys are feeling better & whilst I didn't write about it on my blog - I lived off mangoes, ice cream, lays chips, Macdonalds and the only indian food I could stomach were potato dishes!!
    I pray to God it gets better for you - I know the next time I go, I will make far better preparations!

    From one bhabhi to another :)

  3. Gleen, I am having all the symptoms of pregnancy and that was my first thought but I haven't missed anything if you know what I mean...ugh don't I wish! lol. I'm staying here for a while and haven't actually set a date or time frame for leaving.

    Bhabi, thanks! I am living off tomatoes, cucumbers, and anything else non-Indian I can find as well. I eat Indian food that I cook though. I love to cook and I can really get creative in the kitchen which keeps the boredom from creeping in.

    I've gotten two sets of testing done since I wrote this blog. The first set came back scary and indicated a potentially serious condition which the second set of tests ruled out thank God. Just one more set of blood work to come back and then maybe the doctor can tell me what is going on. Thank you both for your support.