Monday, December 20, 2010

Reasons Why I left home....

This is more of a posting as to why I'm leaving in the future since I haven't actually left yet. I really don't understand my family. Maybe it's because I wasn't raised by my parents that I don't understand their mentality, but it still doesn't make sense to me. After all I was raised by the same woman as my father. Somehow my whole family has the mentality that if you are not with them (in their presence) you don't matter. I've never had thoughts like that. Even when I lived away from home I always still sent birthday cards, holiday cards, letters, emails, phone calls. They don't do that.

A few days ago my step father told me that the foster kids were his children and they deserved a better Christmas than his grandchildren. What pissed me off with that statement is how he went on and on about how much these foster kids should receive and it's more than him or my mother have ever given or done for me....including this year when I'm actually here. These foster kids treat my parents like absolute shit and they just reward them more and more for it. And here I sit, a grown woman, getting punished for things I haven't even done. I've been locked in the basement twice, I've had my driving privileges taken completely away and I watched my parents go out of their way to do things for these two teenage girls.

It's heart breaking to me. I watch these two girls kick my mother, curse at both parents, and verbally abuse them both multiple times per day. I asked to be taken to the store so I could buy something I needed (since I'm not allowed to drive) and it was refused because I didn't need to go in the mind of my step father. Then one of the foster kids wanted to go out for a ride just so she could drive (their car) and they got right up and took her. They feel bad for her because she lost her mother this year and I agree it is sad but when my mom decides to take her out and spend the whole day shopping with her and doing everything she wanted, the girl came home and told my mom how stupid she was because she was old and over verbally abusive things. My mom continued to cater to this girls every whim, even peeling an orange for the 17 year old delinquent.

What have I done to deserve this you may ask? Well, I was born apparently. I know it is an inconvenience to have me sleeping in their living room for a month before I leave the country. However I get up every morning and make the bed (it's a couch bed so I put it back up), clean up the 2x2 ft space where I put my stuff at night. I have cooked almost every day I've been here, normally they just eat out so they don't have to go through the trouble of having the girls all over the kitchen. I've done their laundry many times, I've sanitized the house, I've done dishes. I haven't once back talked or said anything negative or disrespectful to them. I've pretty much kept my mouth shut like a little kid on punishment. I've always been this way with them. Even other family members don't understand why they are being like this, and I can only think of one thing that it could be.

I guess I was never wanted. My grandmother raised me, my brother was sent off to group homes and such. When I got married and left they didn't work hard to communicate with me they rarely even called. Once in a while I got a Birthday card or something for the holidays. I've always had to watch as everyone else in their was treated better than me. My real dad isn't much better. He talks all the time about this girl CJ that he loves like a daughter. He makes it a point to drive 4 hours away to take her to lunch every other month. I lived 10 minutes away and he dropped by my house twice, only because I asked him to and he would never even come inside.

I was raised better than that. Family matters and you always keep in touch with family and take care of family. My Nanny sent out tons of cards and received tons of cards every Christmas. Someone was always stopping by the house to see her or she would go visit others as well. If anyone in that family needed anything she saw to it that it was taken care of. And her kids all turned out shitty and selfish. They don't do anything for anybody that they won't get some kind of recognition or fame for....including their own kids.

I don't even ask for anything but this year they went so far as to not even invite me to Thanksgiving dinner. I had a rough year and I guess that makes me not good enough to even be in their family. All that did was piss me off though and I've deleted them all from my life. They have the audacity to tell ppl they don't know how to reach me, but funny thing is I still get plenty of junk mail from them through email. So fuck them. I deleted and blocked all of them from my FaceBook. I never want to see their faces or names again. They are not my family any more. It's sad, but I'm almost to the point of blocking my parents out the same way. I can't sit here and watch everyone else matter more than me.

They won't even attend my wedding even though they have the money. They actually told me that if they go the kids may have to miss school. This is bullshit. There is this thing called respite care for foster kids and they can leave them there anytime they need. As for my dad, he might have to miss out on some opportunities to go take photos with his photo club if he goes to my wedding. I don't want to face it, but I guess the truth is that I don't matter. At least now I know why my brother distanced himself from this life too.

Oh and as a side note...I have tried to say something about the girls behavior and I was told point blank that it is not my place to say anything.

1 comment:

  1. ... Makes me so sad to read this...