Thursday, August 19, 2010

The only white girl in the neighborhood

As I'm sure was and is still expected my fiance and I had a very serious and overly emotional talk yesterday about my move. His family is very timid and I remember visiting him and before the visit he was freaking out on me. No one from the states would ever come stay in India just to meet some guy he would say. I had to laugh and remind him that he wasn't just some guy and that I was coming just like an arranged wife would I just happened to be traveling from further away. Then he would try to calm himself by saying something about how Punjabi women are fair skinned and maybe I wouldn't stand out so much. LOL! I had to remind him I'm whiter than rice, I didn't want any false hope.

When I did get there his neighbors instantly thought that his brother was visiting from Australia or had sent me to meet the family. He would get so shy and try to avoid the neighbors. His mom and I went out to get my nose pierced and he couldn't take it anymore so he went along because he was worried they would talk to the neighbors and it would take us hours to get back and everyone would know. I had so many laughs at his nervous behavior.

Now all that is in overdrive again. He's telling me things like all the family honor will be in my hands and everyone will be watching what I'm doing. His family is worried I won't be able to survive the Indian heat or live a hard life. He's trying to help them understand that ppl live hard lives here too, just not always the same way as them. It's really funny because his dad is super shy and his dad is more excited than anyone else that I'm coming over. He's talking to lawyers and all sorts of ppl about how I can come there and stay, what do I need to do, etc. I know that's how things work there, but he's jumping right on it and proactively getting the info.

So in our conversation yesterday I kinda lost my nerve a little. This isn't a walk in the park for me. I'm systematically getting rid of everything I own. I haven't even told my family. We are not close but I still expect them to be pissed about it. And with all this extra work I'm doing to save up money I think I'm just tired lol. So he was telling me how his mom is nervous and just the way he said some things I freaked out. I told him it sounded like they didn't want me there and he only wanted to be with me if we could live somewhere else (not necessarily America, but he's wanting to live anywhere but with his parents). He's still kind of immature so he hasn't thought out so many things. I told him I had some more serious thinking to do because I didn't want to step off a plane in a foreign country only to learn I was homeless. Then I ended the conversation because I had an appointment and had to go.

He was online on IM then so we could finish our conversation through the appointment. He was trying to explain to me how they are freaking out that I'm coming there and I do understand. This is really scary for all of us. They are about to welcome a new daughter who they have no idea if she can cook or clean or will even be able to uphold their customs. She's white and will be the only white girl in the neighborhood. He will again no doubt get lots of questions about if his brother Rocky has gotten married or come from Australia and will eventually have to explain that he is the one who got married. He's terrified to tell anyone we met online - with good reason....why does that bother everyone...jeez. I don't know the language that well and will have trouble starting off there until I can get more accustomed. So they have a lot to worry about, I understand that. I just have the confidence that this will all work out in the end. No matter how scary things get.

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