Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Day 2 of Hindu Studies

Well, day 2 has brought me even closer to a better understanding of myself. I decided today to make a list of my thoughts and feelings towards religion. Being raised Holiness (the strict kind) there were a lot of things I never felt comfortable with. Marrying a Baptist and being forced to become Baptist confused me even more and drew out even more things that bothered me about the Christian religion. As part of my quest I've decided to post them here.

Praying at the alter - I have always felt like I needed to have a deep prayer with God but I could never bring myself to do it at the alter in any church I've been in. Once during the laying on of hands I said a prayer but it felt so empty standing there saying it. I could also never pray in front of the church because I felt like someone was watching and I wasn't meant to be there. It's kind of hard to explain.

God's Presence - I only remember feeling what I believed was God's presence once inside of a Christian church. This is when I was 7 and a group of kids were being prayed over by church members, I was one of the kids. It was an inspiring feeling, one I never felt again. I did however experience God's presence one other time in my life. It was while I was in India. I could feel his presence at the Golden Temple when I went inside. This feeling was much more powerful than what I felt at age 7. I can only imagine the reason I felt him so strong was because of the number of believers there invoking his name. However I may never know. All I know is this is something I would love to feel again.

Jesus as God's only son - This is something that I have never fully understood. According to all I've been taught God does punish us for the things we do. We suffer because of our sins here on Earth. So if Jesus died and took all those upon himself, why do we still have to suffer. Seems like double jeopardy does not apply when it comes to God. I have always had a deep feeling Jesus was a prophet, not unlike the prophets we see leading cults and religions even today. I never was able to fully put my trust in him being our savior.

Contradictions - Why is it we are supposed to have everyone repent of their sins and follow Jesus? If God is the all knowing, supreme being then why are we to follow anyone else. So many things in the Holy Bible say do this but then later counteract that. And if we're saved and forgiven of everything because Jesus died for us, then why follow any rules at all? There really is no reason to keep working hard to be sin free if we can still go to Heaven.

Average - I have never known anyone who could follow God's path (the path of the Bible) successfully. This is the same with every religion. No one can do it all exactly the way God said to. So why is it that so many religions condemn anyone who doesn't do it exactly the way their holy book says to? By being so judgmental they essentially condemn everyone, even their own members.

I come from a family full of preachers and church officials. Actually in the last 3 generations there were a total of 7 preachers just on my dad's side! So how come for the last 20 years those same church going family members can't find the time to even forward me an email? That's not really sharing God's love now is it? What it all boils down to is that they are too busy serving God to pay any attention to their own family. I don't even get Christmas dinner invites anymore. Seems my aunt can't find the time to pull me up in her busy email directory to send me the request and let me know when it is. Guess she couldn't msg me on FaceBook or post a status comment or something either. So how can any of them expect me to subscribe to the Holiness denomination as being the only way when all it has ever left me is alone and cold with no one to turn to in my time of need?

Anyway, there are more things but I left my list at work where I'm doing most of my reading and studying. I will update this when I bring that home. But so far, so good. If nothing else, this study is helping me learn about me and I think that is pretty important too.

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