Monday, August 9, 2010

Day 1 of Hindu Studies

I haven't made it very far I must admit. I read over some things last year and got a general idea of Hinduism to better understand my fiance. Now that I'm going to India to marry him I must convert to Hindu. I don't take anything lightly. I was raised Holiness and I never felt in place there. I got a lot of good ideals and life lessons from it but I've never understood all the discrepancies in the Holy Bible. I also come from a family full of preachers and devout Christians and it's very rare to meet one that practices what they teach. They pass judgment and they do not share the love they swear by. I'm more of an orphan than anything thanks to their love for others. They can go years without so much as forwarding an email to me but all of a sudden they get an idea things are not their way in my household and the onslaught of judgment starts. They are cold, distant, and more selfish than anyone I know. Through all I've been going through these past two years they didn't once call to check on me or respond to any of the messages I sent them. Then I got desperate and asked for help. The preachers and their wives were the first ones to turn their backs on me. While relatives I haven't even seen in 20 years didn't ask a single question and were there by my side, checking on me daily and being as supportive as possible. So much for the Christian side of my life. With all I've seen in the Christian church since I was old enough to recognize what was really going on there, I have lost all interest in even proclaiming my faith. However I believe in God. My faith didn't change, I just don't want to be a part of Christianity regardless. So anyways....

Hinduism is very attractive. People genuinely care about each other and I've always wanted to be in a joint family system. I don't want to be alone. Family may be annoying and intrusive but I like having them get on my nerves. I want them to. Because at least I know they are there. There has long been that element missing in my life. So today I again started studying Hinduism. I chose literature from the Himalayan Academy by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami. I only made it through the intro and the letters of people who had left their childhood religions and converted to Hinduism. Their stories were all to real to me of feeling out of place in the religions they were in. This should be an interesting study.

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