Sunday, July 26, 2009

International Relationships part 5 - fighting over email


LOL...that was in all caps on purpose. I just find this amusing. When you live in two separate countries you can't look each other in the face every time you want to. Sometimes phone lines don't allow conversations to be finished. Sometimes one of you just wants to get off the phone before the other finishes what they have to say. Mera Pyar and I have had our fair share of arguments, and they almost always wind up continuing over email then back to the phone.

I'm not crazy but there is beauty in these arguments. Every time we argue I know that we are going to grow so much closer together. Every argument brings us to a new level of understanding each other. Don't get me wrong, I don't like arguing and I am thankful it doesn't happen very often. Things are just so much more difficult when you live so far apart. It's torture not to be able to touch each other, see each other, spend time with each other. It's frustrating.

I guess my point today is that no matter what you are doing, no matter what the argument is about with your loved one, don't end it until you have both come to an understanding. If you come from two different cultures, two different religions, two different sides of the planet, there are going to be issues you don't see eye to eye on. There are going to be times when you don't understand each other very well. The only way to grow as a couple and to resolve any animosity that may exist is to communicate thoroughly.

If that means you have to type up a lengthy email, eat a little crow, say I'm sorry in a text message, then do it. Your relationship is worth it. It doesn't matter how you say what you need to say, what matters is that you say it. It's equally important that you don't say things that you don't need to say. By that I mean words that hurt. It should never be your intention to upset, hurt, or seek vengeance on your partner. That's not healthy for either of you or the relationship.

Always remember to keep an open mind. Your international lover doesn't think the same as you. Just as any two people have to have empathy and sympathy and try to understand each other, you do as well. Your challenges for understanding are just different than people who are dating the girl down the street. Give yourself a little more room to understand and listen a little more than you speak. If you have to, wait for the right time to bring something up, wait until your are not hurt or upset. You will be able to make your point more clearly when you are less emotional. If it helps you, type up that email and save it as a draft then reread it when you're calm again. Then talk to your beloved. You may very well find that the issue wasn't as big, or now doesn't seem as big and you two can smile as you grow closer and the bond between you becomes stronger and stronger, even if you are arguing over email.

The Excitement and Challenges of International Relationships
International Relationships Part 2 - Logistics
International Relationships Part 3 - Communications
International Relationships Part 4 - Long Term Relations

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